a letter
handwritten, with love
reaches a heart
on another shore
the words
they capture the moment
the intensity
the desire
the meaning
the commitment
the yearning
the fear
a million miles
a single a mile
it doesn't matter
nothing matters
except the words
and the intent behind them
that is all
that matters
it shouldn't be so difficult
anymore
I shouldn't have to fight back tears
anymore
it shouldn't be so bleak
some days
I shouldn't have to fight back screams
or tears of rage
I tried to do everything right
maybe not everything
I tried to do most things right
and got burned
forgave the unforgivable
and crushed my soul
I didn't have all the answers
I still don't
I didn't have any courage
I have some
I didn't have the strength
weakness still
I didn't have the will
to just walk away
I shouldn't feel so lonely
with you by my side
I shouldn't feel so desperate
maybe it's my lack of pride
I shouldn't feel it'd be better
if maybe I'd died
I shouldn't have to relive
every single lie
and when the tears stop
and the rage subsides
and the sadness eases
and memories hide
I can face
another day
of melting into
oblivion
in your eyes
a new low
embarrassment
stretching from coast to coast
power
unused, fueling
flames of utter
disgrace
a fall from grace
(if it was ever attained)
and we watched
as a right became a mob
an act of insurrection
and violence
and death
stolen crowns
regretful actions
this place will never be the same
again
Sometimes
it eats at me
until
I give in
Like the weak specimen that I am
That I can be
It erodes the barrier of resolve
and gnaws at the inner core
degradation
infatuation
addiction
addition
by
subtraction
I give a piece of me
even when I don't think I can
Even if no one cares
not a martyr
I would never
But someone who gives
even when
no one wants
me
I've written posts
to add to a total
I've written posts
To create some kind of invisible boundary
between being good enough, or read enough
and being good enough, in actuality
I've written posts
so I can surpass previous years
So I can reach a new high
But no one reads them anymore
I've written posts
For an unseen audience
of many
of few
of one
of
me
I've written for you
whoever you are
How is that possible?
I've written for me
I have
but that means nothing to you
the reader
I want
you
to take my words
and find meaning in
yourself
to open a layer
maybe undiscovered
maybe familiar
and feel
something
maybe you feel nothing
Maybe my words drop
like rain
hitting the ground
puddling, making life messy
they still mean
something
to
me
We don't always win
We don't always place
Sometimes we don't show
We persevere
Truer, sadder words have never been spoken
We persevere
Because, that's what we do
Or we don't
Because there is always another way
and that way can be
Failure
Failure is an option
If we don't fail
We don't succeed
If we don't fail
We don't learn
If we don't fail
We don't grow
Take away the negatives
If we fail
We succeed
If we fail
We learn
If we fail
We grow
Failure
Is
An Option
And sometimes
The only one
And it hurts
there is so much in the world
the art
the beauty
the music the food
take a second
a minute
and try something
undiscovered
and discover something
about
yourself
some times it's a thread
or just a shred
of decency
the point where
I can face the day
turning point for me
replacing the dread
I'm not dead
to the point
I can walk away
face another day
little bits of humanity
floating in a sea of disharmony
grab on and hold with all my life
because it depends on these
little moments of happiness
small reminders that all is not bad
little moments pain free
with some faith in community
I can hang on
my will draining
until
the next miracle
sometimes it's the aroma of bread
or the color red
commonality
a point where
I can face the day
where all good points meet
replacing the dread
I'm not dead
to the point
I can walk away
face another day
little bits of humanity
floating in a sea of disharmony
grab on and hold with all my life
because it depends on these
little moments of happiness
small reminders that all is not bad
little moments pain free
with some faith in community
I can hang on
my will draining
until
the next miracle
it never seems like much
what keeps me sane
it never feels like much
but I'm not the same
until
the next miracle
the harshness of the new reality
more than most souls can bear
the reality of the current harshness
bares more souls so bare
burning up
burning down
falling farther
than I ever felt I could go
this dance was all
was all for you
The crassness of my mortality
more feelings about how I care
the mortality of the crassness
cares more of the feelings I care
moving up
moving down
burning hotter
then I ever felt I could
this dance was all
was all for you
tear it down
deconstruct
build it
from the ground up
all for you
dance
all for you
set it afire
all of it
there is nothing left to save
light it up
there is no comfort
no pity
no charm
light it up
love is afire
let it burn
there is nothing left to give
light it up
failure to launch
no fireworks
no charm
light it up
running from the inferno
fruitless endeavor
set my life on fire
and meet my desire
watch me
burn
carve your name
into my skin
will never
ever make you
mine
carve my pain
into my skin
will never
ever make it
mine
carry the world
on shoulders so thin
my back was aching
to make it
mine
burden of worlds
on a mind so thin
will never
make it
mine
nothing to give up
nothing to give in
nothing else mine
nothing but skin
wishes vanish in to the air
like they were never there
leaving me with
skin
breathe
let it out
inhale
something new
exhale
the old
the used
the past
breathe
fresh
clean
unfiltered
exhaust
dirty
byproduct
reaction
clear
sky
air
lungs
mind
body
soul
filthy
sky
air
lungs
mind
body
soul
it's all the same
it's the music of our time
cacophonic melody of
destruction
of our piece of mind
insidious enemy
relentless agony
seize our future
peace of mind
masked up against
microscopic threat
seize our breath
few pay any mind
vote for the hero
unleash the power
a veto of disease
few pay any mind
digesting the antidote
swallowed the pill
for humanity
and piece of mind
others keep floating
seas of ignorance
for eternity
with peace of mind
the tune changes
the notes play on
human race fading
disease pays no mind
on the same side
of the battle
on different sides
of the war
and a piece
a peace
of mind
there doesn't have to be a reason
the words sometimes flow
they may not make much sense to you
or they may even touch your soul
who knows
the words spill out from my fingers
into the cloud of the unknown
like me
unknown
uncaring
except
I hope the words do get read
and they mean something
to someone
in the everlasting cloud
the ether better know as
the unknown
unwritten book
unfinished song
unwritten rule
unfinished home
results
vary
I keep moving forward
stare to the horizon
look into the future
face it face to face
so much uncertainty
so much ennui
unwritten
unfinished
like life itself
headlong into the fire
blinded by desire
the movement
automatic
the reflex
autonomic
the tears slow the flames
never stop it
the movement
automatic
the reflex
autonomic
unlock the secret
unlock the binds that tie
the tears slow the rage
never stop it
the movement
automatic
the reflex
autonomic
stand alone, stand together
stand for something
altogether
stand apart, stand alone
stand divided
altogether
tears slow the rage
never stop it
tears slow the flames
never stop it
the movement
automatic
the reflex
autonomic
the movement
the reflex
automatic
She was an angel, even though I don't believe
they exist
she had a halo, around my heart
She was an angel, no matter what you think
she exists
she has a strong pull, within her circle
an angel, I don't believe
strip away the unreal
the dreams, hopes, aspirations,
dares, wishes, yearnings, fears,
butterflies, cold sweats, tongue tied moments,
perception, rejection, acceptance and luck
that leaves you, left with
the real
reality
a reality
sterile
black and white
no shades of color
darkness
without a chance of light
cold with no warmth
love without feeling
life is hard
reality is harder
live in between
if you can handle it
