after the embers die

 Heartfelt desire

prompted by

burning

fire

the ashes stain

my

heart

Where?

 These lives we touch,

both directly

and

indirectly

where do they go,

when they

depart from

us?

4 X 50 is not 200

 Sometimes

it eats at me

until

I give in

Like the weak specimen that I am

That I can be

It erodes the barrier of resolve

and gnaws at the inner core

degradation

infatuation

addiction

addition

by

subtraction

I give a piece of me

even when I don't think I can

Even if no one cares

not a martyr

I would never

But someone who gives

even when

no one wants

me

the truth

 I've written posts

to add to a total

I've written posts

To create some kind of invisible boundary

between being good enough, or read enough

and being good enough, in actuality

I've written posts

so I can surpass previous years

So I can reach a new high

But no one reads them anymore

I've written posts

For an unseen audience

of many

of few

of one

of

me

I've written for you

whoever you are

How is that possible? 

I've written for me

I have

but that means nothing to you

the reader

I want

you 

to take my words 

and find meaning in

yourself

to open a layer

maybe undiscovered

maybe familiar

and feel

something

maybe you feel nothing

Maybe my words drop

like rain

hitting the ground

puddling, making life messy

they still mean

something

to 

me

Failure is an option

 We don't always win

We don't always place

Sometimes we don't show

We persevere

Truer, sadder words have never been spoken

We persevere

Because, that's what we do

Or we don't

Because there is always another way

and that way can be 

Failure

Failure is an option

If we don't fail

We don't succeed

If we don't fail

We don't learn

If we don't fail

We don't grow

Take away the negatives

If we fail

We succeed

If we fail

We learn

If we fail

We grow

Failure

Is

An Option

And sometimes

The only one

And it hurts

undiscovered

 there is so much in the world

the art

the beauty

the music the food

take a second

a minute

and try something

undiscovered

and discover something

about

yourself

Until the next miracle

 some times it's a thread

or just a shred

of decency

the point where

I can face the day

turning point for me

replacing the dread

I'm not dead

to the point

I can walk away

face another day

little bits of humanity

floating in a sea of disharmony

grab on and hold with all my life

because it depends on these

little moments of happiness

small reminders that all is not bad

little moments pain free

with some faith in community

I can hang on

my will draining 

until

the next miracle

sometimes it's the aroma of bread

or the color red

commonality

a point where

I can face the day

where all good points meet

replacing the dread

I'm not dead

to the point

I can walk away

face another day

little bits of humanity

floating in a sea of disharmony

grab on and hold with all my life

because it depends on these

little moments of happiness

small reminders that all is not bad

little moments pain free

with some faith in community

I can hang on

my will draining 

until

the next miracle

it never seems like much

what keeps me sane

it never feels like much

but I'm not the same

until

the next miracle