Sunday, September 24, 2006

devil's advocate

some days
it's fun to play
the part of

even if it
a few people off


My depth perception is off center
and the universe is growing
every moment
I feel like a giant among men
a monster to be feared
even if there is nothing to fear
I'm a mythological being with the powers
to create, destroy
and enslave time
I can do wonderful
or terrible things
I can smite or protect
elect or reject
the possibilities
are cliche

I am at the mercy of no one
and everyone

a paradox of ideas
and ideals
that don't meld or mesh
water and oil

belief has left me stranded
and Faith is just a girls name
an old book cannot save me
nor ghosts kept alive by singers
in their Sunday's best
hypocrites who fall to their knees
and sin like tomorrow is judgement day
and they have a get out of hell free card
but there is no heaven
there is no hell
there is nothing to believe in

so don't sell me your bullshit
I know what this is -
a way to control and strike fear
into those who are willing
to follow

Show me, don't tell me
let me see with my own eyes
the miracles you speak of
let me see these vengeful,
forgiving beings you spend so much time
blabbering about
let me witness
a higher power
a being that will make me drop and sing
Praise be

Until I can see it
(and don't tell me about faith -
blind faith is simply foolishness
looking pretty on a Sunday morning)
Until I can touch, and see, and know for sure
I'll stay right here
trying to get myself into focus
trying to understand how to survive
in a world of believers
non believers, and in between
struggling, and at odds
with the force fed rhetoric
that so many have consumed and bought into

a story

or many stories

campfire tales
that the world somehow believed
because they were told to

open your eyes now
open your mind

think about it -
do animals worship a god?

Island madness

I awoke, chilled to the bone
the fire, nothing but ash now
escaped during the early morning hours

People of this village tell me that
the mornings are beautiful
but it takes so long for the clouds to clear

The afternoons are gorgeous too
if you can stand the gale force winds
and the sand it carries

But evening, they assure me
Evening is most pleasant
Sure, if you enjoy dampness and high tide

They each turn from me and shake their heads
Where will you be happy, then?
And I wonder, where will I be?

Or when?

For the scenery may change
and the weather may clear
but I can complain about the sun

And the winds they may die,
and the dampness dissolve
but I will still have humidity

And the sunset may be striking
like it was painted with God's hands
but I will only see the coming darkness

and I will never get comfortable
I will never be content
Until you are here with me

In heart, in spirit, in body
Only then will I be able to look up
and see the stars as beautiful

only then will the breeze feel gentle
only then will the night's coolness draw me
closer, so much closer to you

only then will I escape
like last night's flame
only then will I be sane again

even though
you are only
a dream

Friday, September 15, 2006


It's amazing how I can still smile
when I know the darkness inside

and how it feeds


The world may thrust me away
or try, as it may
to smother me
with it's evil vile ways

I will resist
even if resistance is
well, you know
useless, futile, a waste

I spit in the face of denial
and fight the sweeping hands of time
and never will succomb to the heavenly embrace
of giving in, and giving up, and selling out

I shall fight the good fight
and never waver when the chips are down
penniless and broken
I shall rise higher than the phoenix

and soar with greater ease than angels
because I know the secret
I know how to move past it all
I know the answer

It is
(Do you know?)

Monday, September 11, 2006


I find myself drawn in a specific
and my instincts tell me I'm wrong, but my
keeps heading the wrong way
how can I control myself when there is all this
in my head, forcing me to plod on, constantly moving
to the fate I can't see and don't want, I am too
to stop
too stubborn to turn around and too old to do anything
than I ever had
because then I could only blame
for the mess I'm in

Wednesday, September 6, 2006


How many times do I have to die inside,
before I finally pass away?
How many times do I have to lie,
before you'll go away?
How many bonds do we have to break,
before we're swallowed whole?
How many times do I have to die inside,
I would really like to know?

How many tears do I have to shed,
before I finally go blind?
How many screams do I have to hold,
before I lose my mind?
How many nights will I lie awake,
bathed in a cold sweat?
How many times do I have to die inside,
I haven't stopped dying yet?