nowhere

gears rusted

stuck in a position

of disadvantage

the movements

halted in unison

disenchanted

a little oil

greases the wheels

of inertia

still we go

nowhere

gentle winds

unkept fields sway

hiding the wreckage

fire that raged

silenced in decay

old growth cleared

mountains crumble

avalanche of misery

rocky remains

still we go

nowhere

waves lap the shore

boats sink deep

anchored failure

island oasis

deserted dreams

unreachable now

hurricane forces

erode the landscape

of equality

still we go

nowhere

meteor crashed

alien absurdity

no new hope

astral projections

heavenly desires

obscured by doubt

feet grounded

eyes upward

heart racing

still we go

nowhere

 

on the wings of....

I could hear it
in the distance
the flapping,
heartbeat like - thump
thump, thump

of the devil's wings

or maybe angel's wings

It's so hard to tell
nowadays

I ran on dodging my poor decisions
and smart ones, alike

the sound, getting louder
closer, like the forbidden footsteps
of death at the door

but my fate would be worse than death
or life
or maybe not
can angels be evil?
can devils be kind?

I didn't want to find out
I rushed outside
only to find

the sound
of flapping
wings

...lies in disguise

There were dreams

and streams

consciousness

unaware

uncaring

unfiltered

undiscovered

so many

um, un

There is nothing

but the feeling

failure

failure

failure

reinforced

daily

so much music in me

unplayable

so much poetry

undecipherable    

so much

love

unrequited

unrequited

the daily toil

the earthen soil

that will cover

all of us

none of us

the select few

breathe

breath

breadth

aw man, shut the fuck up

whining crying crazy motherfucker

like the joker

it's a joke you wouldn't get

it's a fucking joke

I'm fighting

fighting

fighting

for my life here

stop laughing at me!

stop! 

I counted on you

I counted

I don't count

the numbers down add up

the numbers don't lie

the numbers

die

the only thing that can stop me

is me

or random circumstance

miracles are lies

in disguise

the endless lies

hope is for the hopeless

and dreams are for dreamers

but what about me?

The timing is off

I'm like an engine

that isn't running right

cruising along

unsteady, loud

I need an adjustment

from a qualified

person

to 

person

make me purr again

smooth out the rough

edges

the precision

that once ruled the mechanics

is off kilter

the steady roar

has been replaced

by whining and tears

An overhaul

of my engine

of me

is necessary 

to continue cruising

down the highway

and backroads

of life

failure

is imminent

the warning lights flash

mechanical failure

lifelong failure

what's the difference

another

another day, another chance
for the promise
of freedom
to be fulfilled
for this terrifying life
to be more relaxed
it's
out of my control

another second, another number
and I would have won
something
to help me escape
the inescapable
nature of genetics

another breath, another job interview
passed up, too much pigment
too little in common
things could be different
and I could breath again
if we were all blind

another hue, another tone
another wish to be accepted
the same as you
to live
without fear
of walking down the street
or driving without getting stopped
or dying
from
overreaction
brutality justified
by stereotypical ideals
rescind, rescind the nonsense
of yesterday’s slant
it's not the same anymore

another slur, another struggle
to make ends meet
without resistance
from you
powerless
raise my fist
offending you even more
raise yours with me

solidarity

but your fist is only
raised
in anger
another beating, another beat down
on the wrong side of a taser, or gun
another wrong, that was righted
whitewashed
by the media

another breakdown, another meltdown
the load so heavy
for being me, speaking the way I speak
and my personal truth
lies to you
still truth
unheard

another heart heavy, another heart

angry

injustice

prejudice

segregation

blurred lines of equality

rarely equal

the playing field tilts


guerrilla tactics are
never
the right answer
(until they are)

to the terrible question

no one wants to ask

because the answer

this world is not ready

for the answer

another heartbreak, another slander

another day in the life

of me

and sadly

you



I'm another
just another
in a sad line of many
others
another caged free man
woman, child
landlocked in captivity
for all to see
with all the rights
of another no one

liars

Whoever said big boys don't cry




lied

resistance

stop the darkness from overtaking
the brightness of this life

stop the ebb and flow
of the depths of despair
from overtaking
all that I have done
and all that is good
in this lonely sphere of existence
a desolate landscape of terror and regret

fighting the wraiths and tombstones
of the wishes and actions past

at war with the demons that tear and rip
of flesh and bone and everything
within my head

I am breaking free
captured in the steely grasp
the arms of futile endevors
promises unkept and spewed in anguish

the filtering of the light
the sinking feeling
the time for me

to face the

unknown

purchase

what am I grasping at?
what should I hang on to,
to survive?

When can I finally rest?
The exertion saps my strength
the uphill battle that Sisyphus
would gladly take
taxes me daily

I battle
I strive
I try

to be beaten down by
bullies
with the power
to make it so

I reach out, find my footing
and slip
yet again
on the mountain of expectation

it's only logical
to me

and me alone

I stand on an iceberg
on a collision course
straight into
the reality
of my situation

and it doesn't look good for me
400 tons of hardened
opinion

split my berg into
two
and three
shards of ice
and realization
sink to the bottom
of my soul

drowning
in disbelief
the meanness
of it all

for what?
why?
the eternal questions
that will follow me
to my grave
with grave intentions
I swallow my pride and
answer the question
on a slippery slope
of right and wrong

the aftermath
mine only

and I shrink in shame
filled with burning liquids
that help me cope
and sink
and clarify
the confusion
of my life
and my experiences

in to a picture perfect
cacophony of distorted
words and images
of denial and frustration

it's just another day

where I try to find a grip on reality
some where to hang on to
a purchase
of sensibility
in an uncaring, mean, insensible world
and more

mercy ungiven
mercy waived
the hammer falls
pounding away

at my
reality
and my sanity

keep pounding
and you'll get your way
as I slip

inter section

the lines we draw
with our experiences
and our lives
intersect so many others
some in reality
some on a four dimensional plane
and others in fantasy
we cross paths
of differences
time
similarities
emotions
feelings
beyond borders
or limitations
of space time
we fall perpendicular
in life
in spirit
in
continuum

we tangle
untangle
we move on
our lines constantly drawn
within
without
with abandon

the intersection of lines
the intersection of lives
so real
so imagined
the same

A light in the darkness

It's not time yet
but here we are, shining bright
beacons in the dark
fighting against the engulfing nothingness
showing that light does exist
in the coldest reaches
of our
space

unwanted prophecy

see the city spires,
within, the pious and unjust
blazing country fires
reduce the belt to rust

heroes falling harder than rain
angels without wings to fly
inflicting so much unneeded pain
no one should have died

the air is thick with tension and fear
acrid smoke shattered glass broken dreams
where do we go from here?
the future is more unsure than it seems

we've risen so high
and fallen so fast
the time is nigh
to make it last

or this may be the end for all of us

15 year anniversary of this blog

I've been writing, off and on, for 15 years here
I've shared my thoughts, dreams, nightmares, and words that rhyme

It's been a weird journey with plenty of followers
followed by plenty of time alone

still I write
for myself
for you
for anyone
for no one

I enjoy this, sometimes more than others
Sometimes less

My brain continues to spill out the words
that my heart continues to shape

for me
for you
for no one

for everyone

It's been a long a journey
and the road continues

into my heart
into my mind
into
oblivion

and beyond

feel

the harden shell fails
exposing the soft inner workings
of a man in tune with
his surroundings and life

the strife the life the wife
the destinations unknown
the wishes wished upon shooting stars
the times left all alone

rise beyond the barriers
settle in a uncomfortable zone
seek the elevated understanding
relate to more than one

the forsaken path and trajectory
the darkness that fills the space
in between the smiles and the tears
the miles of walking to reach something real

just to feel
alive

the hardened shell protects
the inner thoughts and dreams
of a man alienated
from the surroundings and life

The life the wife the strife
it's always outside the comfort zone
silly wishes that never come true
endless dreams of you

sink below the darkness
into a new elevated depression
the space is filled with demons
drowning to reach something real

Just to feel

When all is safe

I want to get out, to run, to shop, to eat
to forget the daily routines I'm stuck in
the same four walls, limiting, constricting, mocking
I'm stuck like them, stationary, unmoving

I can see the town, the streets I walked
the shops, cafes, the parks
I recall the aroma of food, the bustle, the children
I can sense them near, but oh so distant

I want to see them, to be them, to eat out
I want to escape the cozy prison I am enclosed in
I want to bid the walls adieu, so long, c'ya later
I want to be free

again


Hopefully soon



When all is safe


again

What is your secret?

So tell me
what is your secret? What do you desire?
Is it something so illegal? Or something immoral that fuels the fire?
What is the thing, that drives you? What do you require?
What is the secret?

Will is save you, or set you afire?

Burning bridges

There were bridges, burning
Broken hearts, full of yearning

Darkened rooms, of misery
Shed no light, on what's in me

Close my eyes
and block out the distractions
Take a breath
Lungs keep on contracting

Darkened rooms, of mystery
Shed no light, what's got into me

There were bridges, burning
I walked across, full of yearning

Fell down below, on the creek bed
Felt so alone, stuck inside of my head

Close my eyes
Block out the clear blue skies
Take a breath and
Try not to die

Darkened rooms, a mystery, of misery
Shed no light, on what's in me, got into me
Bridges burn , I lit them, on fire
Broken heart full of yearning, and desire

Close my eyes
Take a breath

Burning bridges
And hearts

For someone

The wishes for creativity remain
unfulfilled
The dark hope for answers to dreams undrempt
disregard

The sun rises on a starless morning
The moon sets on a lonely gray night
The stars hide behind veils of darkened fears
and the planets align, they align

for someone else
for someone

The wishes for exclusivity they drain
weak willed
The ashen faith for deities fair and knowing
no regard

The sun sets on a starless morning
The moon rises on a lonely gray plight
The prayers hide behind a veil of disbelief
and the families try, they try

for someone else
for someone

The wishes we wish we never wished
come true
The lingering hope that keeps us so afloat
drag down

The son rises on a starless morning
His room, a pristine sanctuary, violated
The stars positioned just out of reach
and the planets, they slowly die

for someone else
for someone

The wishes, they
The sun, the son
They

The stars, they
The moon, prayers

for someone else
someone

"Someone has to die", someone always has to die

If this was a movie
I'd be the dead guy
Wearing the red shirt
The unknown
Deceased

If this was a blockbuster
I'd be bystander #3
Unnoticed
Unseen
Dead

If this was real life
it would end the same

Disinfectant

It's time, America
To disinfect
from the inside

A piece of yesterday

Take a scrap of today
hold it close to your heart

Let it go when you must
Pull it back when needed

Move on to tomorrow
Leap forward from today

Go forth in confidence
with a piece of yesterday