Eternal Optimist

I sit alone, pained
Disgusted with myself
For missing another rare chance,
to have a brief measure of time,
Alone,
with you

A moment
a mere second, possibly even -
a kiss - magical, simple, powerful
Maybe it’s only a dreamer’s dream,
a romantic’s whim…
a fantasy

Alone again
Trapped with the scenarios
of what I should have done,
could have done
didn’t do…

I grow hungrier for you,
your touch,
your eyes,
your perfume,
your taste

Wondering if…
what if…
maybe if…

but that makes me feel worse…

and better, ironically

A paradox of feelings
swept away with the clarity of second guessing,
when the moment has passed,
hindsight is perfect but the opportunity missed,
again

The rejection and fears linger,
they hold me back,
and I want to move in,
move close to you,
beside you,
around you,
within you

Swiftly, firmly, hungrily… finally…
…yet, the demons arise…

Would you reject me again?
A second time,
without a chance to feel you,
to measure your splendid figure
of graceful arcs and curves,
flesh and fire, heat and desire?
Never once a kiss
- quick, warm, hard –
heavenly with your perfect lips
A guilty pleasure, secret and divine
– a moment to savor when we can smile to ourselves,
later, when no one is looking -

Not even a brief span of time to hold you,
warm and close, heat rising, hearts racing….
Will there ever be a moment alone, again,
before the clock strikes the zero hour and everything changes?
A possibility to close the gap, embrace the truth, and each other…

What I wouldn’t do for a kiss!!!

Like some fool pulled into a game he cannot win,
and shouldn’t be playing, I sit alone

Again

Aching, wanting, yearning…
hoping for a fleeting chance, a singular instance,
a few seconds of bliss,
a flash of passion,
uninhibited, animal and reckless
satisfying, delicious, intoxicating

Have I let you slip through my hands like a dream?
A vision of you, superb and beautiful, admired and
wanted, wanted more than you will ever know

I can’t help but smile at what could have been,
should have been,
would have been…


Or what still can be…