Irreversable

I wrote because
a bullet to the head
wasn't possible

but I wouldn't have stopped it

I don't have guns
for that reason

I have no desire to die
but there are times
I die
before really dying

I have been moved
by emotion
hormones
imbalance
life

I had moved
relocated
reset
readjusted

but am still
here
adjusted
maladjusted
reset
beset
on all sides
by

well you know
that old chestnut

I didn't
but did
want
to die

a walking
talking
dead man

immortal mortal

conflicted
constricted
without hope
yet hopeful

how fucked up is that?

I still have
to be careful

what I write might get read

and reread

retread

and someone might actually
care
and be there

when I am gone

or before that happens
a flash of lightning
a brief glimmer of hope

sometimes that is all I need
to release
the trigger

of the gun
I do not own
and will never posses




because I know what will happen

irreversible
action