Finding

I haven't felt like
myself lately
I'm out of sorts
out of whack
out of...

I took a minute tonight
to go outside
in the cold
smoke a cigar
and think

I tried to focus
on what could be amiss
when something nice happened

it wasn't a miracle
no angels appeared
I didn't see three ghosts
no disembodied voice told me the way
no epiphany
nothing that triumphant

Still, it happened...

as the snow started to fall
among the colorful holiday lights
and the glowing tree on the deck,

with the backdrop of the city
sparkling in the distance,
and the chimney's streaming clouds of fragrant smoke

I listened to the almost silent night
(an appropriate reference this time of year)
and I heard only the soft rustling
of a few straggler leaves on the tree
the crack of ice among the frozen branches
the soft sound of snow falling against my coat

and I found
not what I was looking for
but something better
almost magical

I found

peace

even if only for a moment

Happy Veterans Day

Please remember to honor those that served with:

V alor
E ndurance
T enacity
E mpathy
R eflection
A ttitude
N ever surrender

Thank you, from one veteran to another, for your service.

My brothers

nothing could keep us apart
we woke in the morning
and played until dark

you were by my side
you had my back
no one else came close

my brother

the years have been passing fast
and the miles have separated us
for far too long

we grew apart
you have your life
and I have my own

my brother

the blood that runs deep
is quite the same for both
but the surroundings changed

our paths don't cross
You walk your road
while I stroll down mine

it's kind of sad
and it's a shame
for you will always be

my brother

distant, a stranger
with familiar blood
close but far

my brothers

Now that you're gone

Fortune cookie prophecies
point me to the path of the unknown
unforeseen circumstances
chill me to the bone

who will guide me
now that your gone
who will guide me
when I'm all alone

who will guide me?

Fortunate dignitary
tells me it's all going to be okay
rehashing promises lost
it's the same as every other day

who is going to lead me
now that your gone
who will lead me
who's light will shine on

who will lead me?

how will I ever know
how far to go
this is a dark lonely road
I just don't know

who is going to hold me
now that you're gone
who will ever hold me
with the love you've shone

who is going to hold me?

I wake to another empty slate
brush off the sins of yesterday
belief in the guiding hand of fate
hasn't helped me much today

how will I ever know
how far to go
this is a desolate lonely road
I just don't know

who will pick me up
when I keep falling down
who will pick me up
one last time

who is going to guide me
lead me
love me
pick me up

now that you're gone?

Enigma

I am digging the latest Enigma album, "Seven Lives" right now

confusion

there was a moment when
I though I could ride the line
a fine line it is
between reality and fantasy
seems that the line gets blurred
and fuzzy
and I sometimes mistake one for another
or vice-versa
it doesn't matter
you'd think I was crazy anyway
and you may not be wrong
or right
or close
but that only counts in horseshoes
and hand grenades
but horses don't really wear shoes
and hand grenades are so messy
so I guess
it's back to
square
one

tears of a dream

dreams
are not meant
for the
waking world

nightmares
are not only
for those
still asleep.

tears can
fall
when we
slumber

and dry
as we awaken.

But the dreams
or the screams
are not soon
forgotten.

Stuck in my head

You have no idea
what you mean to me
you have no inkling
of what goes on

inside my head

I lie here sleeping
or trying to
but you keep dancing
inside of my head

stuck forever
inside of my head
until I am dead
stuck in my head

open

You said I was like a window
and you could see right through me

I only wanted to be seen
by you

Mathematics

she sat perpendicular
to my
point of view
an obtuse angle
sine, cosine, tangent
askew
her words were on another
plane
parallel and
congruent
to my own spatial
relations:
equality, addition, multiplication

the logic is all there
the processes proven
we just need to
reduce

and find the sum
of all things

A place to rest

the calendar
is two months behind
my memory
is failing all the time

who am I again?
and where do I belong?
who am I again?
and who was I before?

the impressions of the past
lead me lower to the floor
while my will is slowly heading
for the door

and the answers that I seek
are escaping as we speak
so I think I'll lie down
and close my eyes

and sleep

for the final time

Another truth

the confession
changed the way
you look at me

but it had to be said

a truth

souls and promises
are only as good
as the people they inhabit

death and memory

Darkness is all around
can't hear a single sound
can you hear my screams?
nothing is what it seems...

fade away
into the nothing
fade away
until there is nothing

Coldness surrounds
no one to give ground
can you give me heat
where will I find something to eat?

Fade away
into oblivion
fade away
into the dust

there is nothing left
but
memories

5 Year anniversary of Reality Bytes

Where does the time go?

Well, it goes on. This is my 5th year writing this blog and it has been a great joy to me. I know lately I haven't written much. It's life, you know? No matter what, I will return to this blog and share my insights, my observations, or my dreams.

Also, since the site does keep track, this is my 253rd post. Since most of my posts are poems or prose, I'm pretty proud of the amount of work I have produced since 5/4/05. And I know it's not about quantity, but I feel all the work is quality. Don't we all?

I hope you will return and enjoy what you read. I'll keep writing 'em if you keep reading 'em.

Daydreamer

change

there is a change in the weather
that the forecasters missed
it's sneaking up behind us
and will hit us like the blitz

there is a change in our stature
that the doctor's couldn't see
a curve of imagination
inter cranial deformity

there is a change in our outlook
as the world becomes so small
no mountain is big enough
no skyscraper too tall

there is a change in my head
that I don't understand
I guess I'll play along
with the rest of the band

there is a change
here
and there
changes everywhere

yet it all stays the same

It's just like

it's 11:32
and I
long for you

It's time
to stop chasing skirts
oh god this hurts

what do you
want me to say
to prove to you

that what I felt
that one fateful day
is still true?

it's 11:32
and you're asleep
I'm awake

and it's like
any other night
after the give and take

it's just like any other night
it's just like any other day
the chips
they fall where they may

it's just like any other man
it's just like any other woman
it's more complex than we believe
it's only

it's just like you and me
and everything in between
it's just like
you and me

only you're asleep
and I wish
you were
awake

greatness

what is greatness
we all have our definition
maybe it's running into a burning building
to save a child
or perhaps it's studying to cure
the wasting diseases that ravage our age
maybe it's someone who discovers the true
meaning of it all
still others may view a strong faith
a belief in the unknown as great

what is great to you
may not mean anything to another
what is god to you
is nothing to someone else
what is sacred
is malignant
in the eyes
of others
that which is evil
can be described
by another person
as a way of life

what is your greatness
and your greatest weakness?
together they form
the universe
that is you

and me

no one can steal a dream

the lost can only retrieve
memories
of better times when
things went right
before the madness
before the darkness
before the confusion
the damned can only hope
and pray
for salvation
before damnation
before suffering
before finality
the hopeful can only dream
aspirations
for tomorrow
before reality prevails
before economies crash
before depression wins
the downtrodden
can only wish
for a morsel
before the greedy
or other needy
knock them down
the dreamers
can only dream
of whatever they wish
no one can steal a dream

Drained

I cannot find any words
to string together
to form the a phrase
to express anything

I cannot find the time
to piece together
a singular pause
to catch my breath

I can't find any one word
to make this all go away
take this haze made of gray
to bring me around

I will keep searching
and I know the words
will be there

they never fail me

I love you

Today is not about the flowers
jewelry or boxes of candy
It's not about the greeting cards
dinners out or sexy lingerie
It's not about manufacturing
what we really feel about each other

Today
like any other day
I love you

I will tell you a million times
if that is what you want to hear
I prefer you show me with your actions
so that I will always know

This day is no more special or precious
than any other day
it is just as special and precious
as every other day

I spend with you

This is not a special day because
card companies and jewelry stores
and candy sellers
say so

It's special because
you are with me

I love you!

Magnetic Poetry 1/29/09

underachiever

I can do a great many things
but I can only do a few things great
I never finished my first year of college
I haven't played in organized sports

I believe I could have been great
at something, anything
I could have been a great piano player
I have big hands

I could have been a great doctor
I have the smarts and compassion
I could have been a stuntman
according to my childhood dreams

I could have been so many things

Yet I'm not

I had all the time in the world
I had opportunities
but I thought of other things
I never realized

how lonely mediocrity can be
how depressing the future can look
how overwhelming it all seems now
when I don't have as much time

I suppose I could still be a doctor
but I'd die before paying the student loans
I could be a concert pianist
if I took lessons every hour of every day

I could paint the next masterpiece
or write the next great poem...

those are still attainable

and I believe in my heart
that I could have been great
but I'll settle for what I am
what I have become

through all the years
the scrapes and the bumps
the jobs and fights
the births and the deaths

I have nothing to be ashamed of
because if we all look inside
I'm sure we'd all find
an underachiever

broken windows

feel the cold
of the world around you
feel the life
that is slowly slipping by

turn your eyes down
and see what lies beneath
turn away now
and leave the hatred behind

there is never a true mirror
that will show what we want to see
there are only little windows
between you and me

little broken windows

time-less

The new year brings promise
the new year brings pain
the new year has solace
the new year has rain

we should never forget
the concept of time
is a human invention
it doesn't exist

for anything except us
it limits us, it ties us down
it shackles our lives until
we are slaves of it

time
year
day
minute
second

all concepts
we immediately recognize
but fight against
futile

Time does not wash slates clean
fading memories do
Time does not forgive
people do

time doesn't, and isn't
it's just
a figment
of each of us


spend it wisely
for it is a piece of you