#300 Without an audience

The written word, unread
Means nothing, except
To those that wrote it

The spoken word, unheard
Echoes softly, until
The sound fades away

The plucked notes
Resonate in air, floating
Through the empty space

Afraid of what you may say
I play it for myself
Close to the chest
Without an audience

Unable to take a chance
I sing to myself
Close to my heart
Without an audience

The painted canvas, hidden
Strokes of my love
Vision of my heart

The pictures taken, focused
Beauty of my eye
Only I behold them

The prayers I pray, silently
To a deity of my design
Imaginary being

Afraid of what you may say
I pray for myself
Close to the chest
Without an audience

Unable to take a chance
I paint myself
Close to my heart
Without an audience

Irrational fear, failure
Intertwined, ingrained
Barriers as strong as steel

I close my eyes, breathe
Calm my nerves, release
Face another day

Without an audience

Christmas Eve

Believe
Christmas Eve
So easily deceived
A peaceful reprieve
Warm memories
A cold winter breeze
A moment to seize
yearning to be free
Christmas Eve
What it means to me
Is not the same to you, it seems
Fallen snow and shattered dreams
Believe
The time before the new year rings
and all the hope it does bring
open mind, heart to possible things
Christmas Eve
What is meant to be
for you and for me
Different paths and dreams
but tonight
in the glowing light
we bask in the memories
Christmas Eve
Some of the magic has lost it's luster
Despite all the effort we are willing to muster
The body is willing but the heart is weak
after years of forecasts, so bleak
Heartfelt memories lost in a sea of fights
No one was spared not even Christmas Night
Believe
This is the moment to seize
A memory to freeze
A nod to future memories
Christmas Eve
A wish upon an angels ear
May salvage something we hold dear
a dream of you
Christmas Eve

Subtle

It is a million little things
Not just one thing that stands out
Slight movements and gestures
Some of the words that leave your mouth

It's the enormous time you spend
looking down at your phone
It's how you hardly ever look at me
when we are home alone

You don't notice me
Noticing you
You don't think it shows

You don't appear to care
and that hurts the most
You don't think it shows

All these subtle things
Nothing to noticeable
But clearly, noticeable
So subtle

The way you kiss my lips
The far away look in your eyes
Desperate loneliness
More subtle signs

It's not a million different things
Just the few that stand out
Lack of movement or gesture
The failure of words out of your mouth

With me, little time spent
Too much time on the phone
I try to come in
Seems like you're never home

You don't notice me

Noticing you

You don't think it shows

You don't appear to care

and that hurts the most

You don't think it shows

All these subtle things

Nothing to noticeable

But clearly, noticeable

So subtle

The way you kiss my lips

The persistent look in your eyes
My desperate loneliness

More subtle signs

It's a million little things

And nothing at all

Subtle

As a kick in the balls

Saying Goodbye

Been so long, the years slip by
It's so difficult, I can't even try
Been so hard, the tears I cry
Unusual, I can't explain why

Moments etched in memory, memories etched in time
with all the miles between, you were never far from mine

Until now

Saying goodnight one final time
A farewell kiss on the lips of a dream
Close my eyes and you're still here
It's hard to say goodbye

My favorite song, when I close my eyes
Takes me there, right by your side
Been so long that I've had a cry
Unusual and I can't explain why

Moments etched in memories, memories etched in time
With all the miles between, you're never far from mine

Until Now

Saying goodnight one final time

A farewell kiss on the lips of a dream

Close my eyes and you're still here

It's hard to say goodbye

You didn't have to leave me, even though you haven't been around
We had so much to say, I'll never hear the sound

Your voice is an echo, of a distant memory
Your touch a celebration, of better days for me

Moments etched in memories, memories etched in time

With all the miles between, you're never far from mine

Until Now

Saying goodnight one final time

A farewell kiss on the lips of a dream

Close my eyes and you're still here

It's hard to say goodbye

Time lapse

It's supposed to last forever

Until it doesn't....

Then it seems to drag on forever.

I am: Part VII (An eleven year update)

I am...
Writing today
Still getting gray...grayer
Optimistic that I have talent
Hurting like everyone else
Hurting like no one else
A grandfather, 3 times over
Still married, for almost 3 decades
Watching my oldest dog fall apart
Still rocking, and rolling
Writing for me
Writing to hopefully inspire one person, to share their dream
passion,
or their soul,
anonymously would be fine

Frustrated at work
But love my job
What I do, I do well
No bullshit, most of the time

I am.....
Still alive and kicking
Thrashing about internally
Externally
Eternally Optimistic (that sounds familiar)
I am

I

The Fall

There was a time when I felt I could conquer the world

Traverse mountains, plant flags that unfurl

Naïve, headstrong and young I could do it all

So much left undone, so little pride before the fall

before the fall

Asleep at the wheel, the captain of my dreams

Nothing seems real, nothing is what it seems

I wished to be a hero, someone you valued so much

but that didn't happen, I have no such luck

after the fall

I feel the empty spaces

the silence that threatens my sanity

I fill the void between

what I want and the true reality

with hope

but not much else

Overestimating my worth to you

Overstepping my inner boundaries

I step out of time again and again

to feel safe

navigating by some broken inner compass

I move forward

I think

Until the fall

that undoes

it

all