1000 tears

I must have cried a hundred times
since the day that we first met
you are always on my mind
you are someone I'll never forget

Through the ups and downs
the happiness and the fights
glorious fun filled days
and bitter angry nights

Tears of joy and tears of pain
peals of laughter from hallowed rooms
screams of anguish and empty pain
look of love dispelling the sense of doom

there is always room for you

I've shed my share of streaming tears
they've accumulated over the years
with the ebb and flow of all my fears
through it all, I am still here

I'm still here

with a tear on my cheek

waiting for you

the 1000 tears

for you


with you


because of


you
&
I

with you

I want to see your face
I want to kiss your lips
I want to
I want to
just let me
have my way

with you

I want to hear your voice
Would you call my name
I want you
I want you
just let me in
and have your way

with me

I want to kiss your lips
I want to hold you tight
I want to touch your face
and love you into the night
I want to kiss your hips
I want to hold you tight
I want to see into your eyes
deep into the night

I want to kiss your lips


You have the most beautiful face
you have your own style and a grace
you really turn me on
you really turn me around


I want to kiss your lips
I want to hold you tight
I want to touch your face
and love you into the night
I want to touch your hips
I want to hold you tight
I want to see into your eyes
deep into the night

just let me kiss you
this one time
and see
where it goes
from
there

isn't it only fair?
after all that I've been through

just give me a chance
with you

tonight

I don't believe I'm wrong

I know that it's not right

but I feel something strong

and I'll test that theory tonight



subtle signals
being sent from both sides
nothing is for certain
but tonight I have to try

to make this right
if only for tonight

Forget me nots

She asked me to send her
some forget me nots
but I couldn't

remember

her

name

Falling away

the entire universe
contained in a single tear
all our hopes and dreams
everything we hold dear

the entire relationship
summed up in a single tear
dying hopes and dreams
nothing left for me here

it's all falling
falling away

can't catch myself
I'm falling again
can't get a grip
I'm falling again

falling away
falling away

The precious heart will beat
to the drummer deep within
the soul gets pulled away
from forces deep below the skin

The precious heart will break
the drum head is wearing thin
the soul dies another day
as the will seeks comfort in sin

it's all falling
falling away

can't catch myself
I'm falling again
can't get a grip
I'm falling again

falling away
falling away

when will I be safely tied to this reality?

away from this age of endless misery?

I'm falling away

falling away

I'm falling away

from you

falling away from me

falling away

falling away

I am, part V: unheard

The thing about poetry is
that someone
who must be "someone"
has to take notice
and tell the world
that a poem is great
this someone is a mouthpiece
for the written word
without this someone
there is only a poem

unread
unknown
like a scream in the woods
unheard

The thing about attraction is
that someone
who must be someone
has to take notice
and feel the power
give in to the pull
believe the desire is worthy
that the affection is mutual
the feeling is real
otherwise the attraction is missed

unseen
unknown
like a scream in the woods
unheard

The thing about life is
that someone
could be anyone
has to take notice
and say hello
nod their head, smile
make their presence known
and acknowledge me
show that I exist
and I'm not insignificant

unknown
unseen
and like my screams in the dark

unheard

what am I worth?

I'm not a banker
or president of the world
I don't sell candy
or flags unfurled
I'm not a doctor
nor do I play one on TV
I'm just a regular joe
I'm just me

so when you look at the figures
and the truth be told
can you tell me exactly
at what price would I be sold?

what am I worth,


to




you?

like

what's stopping you
from taking that step
if you feel the way you do
what holds you back?

what is keeping you
from seeing the truth
the reality
the yearning?

maybe I'm disillusioned
a simpleton in a complex world
or maybe I'm too complex
for the simple world

witness the beginning
of the end
the ending
of the beginning

and everything in between

it's all been seen
and heard before
but you have the floor
so speak
or dance
show me what you've got
I haven't the time to play around
I want to hear your voice
the sound

of reason
or unreasonable
telling me
yes
or no

just talk to me
make me see
if this is what it needs to be

or if it is just fantasy

like so much

in this life

Show me

I don't believe in angels
I don't believe in devils
I don't believe
I don't believe

I want to see the angels
with the halos of gold
I want to see the devils
with stares so cold

Otherwise
I don't believe

There is no heaven
There is no hell

There is only life
Too short and too mean
There is only life
Quickly passed, a dream

I don't believe

There is no salvation
There is no redemption
There is only here and now
There is only temptation


What do I need to see?
What do I need to hear?
when will I feel the power?
Is that day near?

I believe
I believe in you
do you
believe
believe in me?

What do you see?
What do you need?
What does a fool believe?
Just ask me...

I feel the distance between you and me
Getting shorter
Maybe it's my perception
Hope is a tall order

After all
what should I believe in
show me the way

Blur: Another post I never wanted to write

For Ski, who left this messed up world too soon. We were with you, brother, and we're still here.

Blur

Spinning out of control
the world
the confusion
regret
apprehension
pain
the unknown
it all weighs so heavily
it's so heavy
Gets hard to breathe
Gasping
Buckling
Breaking
down
little by little
So heavy
this weight
on your shoulders
Dreams shatter
Relations sour
because of bad decisions
Need a moment
a second to
relax
to
breathe
Your machine takes you
down the final path
The wind in your face
cool, crisp
The roar of the motor
sings a melody
the rumble
comforting
soothing
fleeting
the machine
the man
man-machine
strong
no judgements
no pitiful glances
no lies

Just the truth
and freedom

and wind
and speed
man
machine
Man-machine
a release
a surrender
man-machine-wall
release
from the
pain

.....

those that remain
we're confused
pained
in the grasp of sorrow
agony, the toll of grief
you touched so many
you never really knew
you
never
really know

and you never will

it weighs heavy on us
so heavy

dizzying

like the world
is spinning out of control

like a blur

Dilemma

I wasn't sure what you meant
and you left so quickly
I had no idea what to do next

the options were many
and if I heard you correctly
you only wanted one

but which one?
what did I miss?

belief (lack thereof) - catch 22

I don't believe in a great many things
like god
but don't tell my family
they would be disppointed
or love
again, don't tell

I don't believe people change
I believe they choose differently
but inherently
they are the same

"I don't believe in destiny
or the guiding hand of fate
I don't believe in forever
or love as a mystical state.
I don't believe in the stars
or the planets,
or angels watching from above
but I believe there's a ghost of chance
we can find someone to love
and make it last."
Ghost of a chance- Rush

I don't believe I can make a difference
even though I've tried
I don't believe that good conquers all
that human rights are any better
than baboons fighting on the savannah

or that we all deserve anything at all
what could we possible do to deserve - anything???

I don't believe in a lot of things
but I believe in me
and I will be fair, and honest
and myself

and that is all I ask of you

but I don't believe you'll return the favor

honestly

be honest
with yourself
if no one else
be truthful
see yourself
as you are
don't make excuses
or apologize
you are you
we are all
ourselves
though we may try to hide
under cool clothes
or in cool cars
fancy houses
deep down
we're still
us
we are still
ourselves
so why try to disguise it
if people don't like it
too bad
be something
even if people hate it
be yourself
and if you're honest
you will be



yourself



there are no links to revisit the past
the past is gone
sometimes we need to move on
and be
ourselves
again

please

I've always tried
to do my best
to do what's right
but I get screwed
("you always get screwed in the drive thru")
but I didn't drive thru
this is for real
as real as it gets
but I'm being a melodramatic fool
again

why can't I just relax
and everything will work out
just like a toothache
it will all go away
won't it?

I bought into that bullshit before
but I can't take it anymore

just let me be happy
be happy for me
for once

behind the glass

windows of opportunity
open and close
with clocklike precision

we're sometimes unaware
of possiblilities, chances
until the windows close

we stare through the glass
window shopping
never buying

always buying into the dream
but dreams are for the sleepy
never awake

we can wait forever
for a chance
we're patient

but the chances are all around
we're just distracted
blind to the opportunities

that surround us
abound around us
slip by us

I stare through the pane
of another window
of another dream

will I make it through
will I realize the prize
inside?

The real killer

I stretched my neck away from my damp shirt collar
sweat trickled down my temple, across my eye
I absentmindedly wiped my eye with my forearm
also drenched in sweat
"I hate this friggin' heat"
"Hang tough. Once the punk comes out, we do the job and go get a beer."
Her tone said something else: quit bitching.
Even in the shade, the dogs sprawled out looking for cool earth
but there was none- no breeze, no rain, just heat
stifling unending heat and humidity
even the night sweats here
She perked her head up as a young man in jeans and a hoodie left the building
"Look at that joker. Christ, it's a hundred degrees and he has a sweatshirt on!"
She shook her head. The man lit a cigarette with cupped hands and exhaled gray exhaust
I leaned back in the seat and shut my eyes
My partner went back to the paper she was reading

Pow! Pow! Pow! I realized what the sounds were before I knew where it came from
My partners head rocked violently, then she sagged over her bloody paper
The second shot, fired milliseconds after the first, entered my right temple
ricocheted off an impossible angle in my skull, scrambled my gray matter,
and put me to permanent sleep before my head hit the steering wheel

The young man in the hoodie never had a chance
The killer fired his third shot a second after the first two,
an amazing feat of accuracy and marksmanship
The bullet shattered the cranium behind the kid's forehead, severing his brain before leaving a fist sized hole in the back of his head
He was dead before hitting the ground.

The last thing that ran through my head, prior to the bullet of course, was that we should be by his side, we should escort him to the car
We hadn't thought the plan through
It was too hot to think clearly
The damned heat had drained us, made us falter and fail
The goddamn heat was the real killer

the idiot dialogues: one

"I'd like to ask you something, but I have a feeling I'll screw it all up."
"Okay," she said, apprehensively,"ask away."
"Do guys get all stupid...no, stupid is too harsh. Do they get all tongue-tied and sound totally ridiculous around you?"
"No, why would they?"
"Because you're...and well, you're easy on the...uh...because you're beautiful." His cheeks blossomed.
"Oh. I see. Yep, they all get that way."
She smiled and started walking away.
She turned to me, speaking. "Actually, no they don't. Just you."


Revisiting the family of my past: Lineage

decay

bookshelves sag wearily
under the weight of a hundred
unread volumes

curtains dance wistfully
to the rhythm of a humid
summer breeze

mattresses slope gently
two indentations represent
sleepless nights

a faucet drips steadily
staining a ceramic basin
of generations

houses creak mournfully
yearning for a peal of laughter
from days gone by

weeds flourish happily
infiltrating every crack and crevice
of neglected pavement

trees rustle cautiously
fearful of waking the beasts
that spell certain doom

neighborhoods wither pathetically
decaying from a hundred cancers
that eat from within

cities crumble slowly
the earth swallows more pieces
every day

fields yield misery
resources all used up by
selfish creatures

a world is reclaimed by nature
after our natural demise
surprise surprise

we never did set things right



Revisiting me: Inspired by, Part III

just one time

what do you see
when you look at me?
it's not the same as a mirror
the reflection's just a little clearer

what do you do
when I look at you?
do you want to turn around
head for the edge of this town?

why can't you see what I see
when I look at you
why is this so decieving
I must be a fool

I would like to feel
If this paranoia is real
when they look at me
what do they really see?

I would like to know
the feelings they don't show
when they turn away
hide their eyes in shame

I'd like to know
just one time

what would you change
give me the whole range
the features, the looks the hair style
maybe my weight or my profile

what would you give
to exchange the life you live
for maybe minute
see how how deep we're all in it

why can't you see what I see
when I look at you
why is this so decieving
I must be a fool

I would like to feel
If this paranoia is real
when they look at me
what do they really see?

I would like to know
the feelings they don't show
when they turn away
hide their eyes in shame

I'd like to know
just one time


Revisiting my mental GPS: Position

a race never won, never one

an xray of
the nuts and bolts
reveals telling tales of
my disintegration from
the human race

the slowly turning cogs
of my inner mechanical workings
need periodic greasing
of a philosophical kind
to keep up with the human race

the intrinsic input
and regurgitated output
lengthen processing time
please wait, please wait
for the human race

the silicon and minerals
that carry the pulses
of binary overload
are trapped within the flesh and blood
of a human in a human race

the data and code
the frequency and uploads
upgrades and improvements
cannot keep up with
the human race

overclocked, understocked
and running out of time
I'm afraid the
I'm afraid the
I'm afraid the

system overload
system failure
universal failure
catastophic failure
human failure
human race
failure

ctrl-alt-del cannot fix this



Revisiting the past: They