What time is it?

Wasting away in this
hauntingly familiar moment without
a hand for support or guidance
I feel I'm slipping away
from the place that held me fast
unfastened, faster, fasting
from the emotions and memories
scrapbooks encased in my cranium
shared with no one
falling away from the repetitiveness
the repetitiveness
the repetitive
repeatedly told that this is good
this is the way
this is right
when it was wrong
the wrong direction
the wrong reflection
reflecting what we want to
see rose colored glasses
out of focus
wander freely
think openly
speak
these things we take
for granted every day
can be taken away
these things we hold so dear
in such high regard
are sometimes illusions
these thoughts of security and safety
a net unsecure
slips like sand through our fingers
my cup runneth over
with a beverage of your choosing
bitter wine mulled in better times
better forgotten today
but I still drink away
with nothing more to say

aloud

can you hear the clock ticking?

Unlimited Credit

I don’t want to pay
for the privilege
To be like everyone else

I don’t want to pay
for the option

Of being like no one else

I don’t want to pay
for what comes naturally

To be me

More changes and new songs

I removed the music element from the blog. I now post my music on Acidplanet.com. It's much easier to update and access that way. I hope everyone can check out the music there. I am uploading both MP3 and WMA format.

Einstein's Ghost

I have added a link for you to listen to my music on Acidplanet.com. My artist name is "Einstein's Ghost", but the music is daydreamer. The link is to top the right of the blog. I hope everyone will be able to listen to a format compatible with their system (WMA, MP3, etc.) I will be uploading all my music files there from now on so please check there often. I will also keep you posted here of the new material I post there. Currently I am not allowing downloads, but if I get enough requests, I may change that.

To play a song, simply click on the link titled Songs under the heading Artists Media, select a song (click on the song title), click on Play and enjoy.

Let me know what you think.

It’s a good day

Some days it's truly amazing

How all the shit of the world seems

To avoid your shoe

And you realize

It's good to be alive

Some day's it's truly a miracle

That all of life's assholes manage

To drive behind someone else

And you realize

It's a good day, today

Some day's it's really a gift

When the grumpy bastards stay home

And your shift goes smoothly

you realize

It's a good day to be alive

It's a good day

Currently in my CD player....Fair To Midland and Korn

I am currently engrossed in the "Fair to Midland" release Fables from the Mayfly: What I tell you three times is true.

It's definitely worth a listen (or ten.) Don't just sit there, go buy it!!!!

I also just purchased the new Korn cd (I don't even know the title.) The single "Evolution" is incredible, and the rest of the cd (from one pass through) sounds great.


I will also have new music on the way very soon. Very, very soon....

Really not sure

Breathing in the vapor of your anger

You dispel a cavalcade of pain

Bellowing with insistent anger

You breathe hate and anger out in flame

Am I to blame

For this latest series of misfortune

Am I to blame

Again? For this travesty and injustice

What is right, what is wrong?

It's easier if you'd just tell me what I'm doing wrong

What is clean, what is pure?

How and am I supposed to know

If you're unsure?

Breathing out the waste of your anger

I disperse an avalanche of pleas

Seeking out my own safety

I breathe in a sense of relief

I'm not to blame

For the latest series of misfortune

I'm not to blame

For this travesty and injustice

Who is right, who is wrong?

It's easier to tell if we know what's going on

Who is clean, who is sure?

In this day and age no one

No one is ever really sure

Breathing out a sigh of relief

We forgo all the pleasantries

Seeking an end to this misery

We find different places to breathe

We're not blame

For the latest series of misfortunes

We're not to blame

For a society of travesties

We're not right, we're not wrong

We're just trying to figure out what's going on

We're not clean, we're unsure

Like everyone else, we think

We're not really sure

Look up to the sky and ask why

Look deep down inside and ask why

We're really not sure

Lineage

I hold the large black and white picture in my palms,
my arms spread
to accommodate for its size and fragility
The worn edges crumble lightly, sending a cascade
of history, battered and yellowed, to the floor
I stare through water stains at a young man, unsmiling
he wears the garb of a World War One soldier,
all creases and wool, leggings and boots
his right hand rests on the edge an ornate table
his left hand hangs at his side, fingers drawn
a single ring adorns his left hand
one his sleeve, two chevrons point to the floor
a single ribbon sits atop his pocket
he bears no name tag
the image conceals his height
he is young and slender
his hair closely shorn on his skull
his expression reveals nothing
no anger, pride or humor
he stares ahead
with a Mona Lisa expression
not a smile, not quite serene

I stare at the man
I can see my father’s eyes
but all resemblance ends there
this man is a stranger
that lived with us for the final
few years of his life
as a frail old man
he would walk everyday
and get lost in the neighborhood
we’d try to help, my brothers and I
by pointing him in the right direction
when he went astray
but he got angry at us on our bikes

the young man in the photo is a stranger
like the old man who lived with us
like my father
the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, they say
I hope that someday
when someone holds a tattered
yellowed picture of me
they will see a familiar
a family member
a relative
and someone will share a story
or an anecdote, or a smile
and I will be something more
than
a
stranger

New Song - Epic Journey

I've posted a new song titled "Epic Journey", an appropriate title since I just travelled a total 3000 miles in the last two weeks (in a truck, not flying.) The song is at the bottom of the playlist.

20 year gap

Reunion
of friends, class and spirit
a few brief hours to catch up and fill in the blanks
- a 20 year gap -
to reminisce the memories of youth
of dances and football games
parties and police
breakups and breakdowns
fights and friends lost

We rediscover those we knew
but forgot
- the years have taken their toll on memory-
and reacquaint with those we didn't know well
but remembered
and those we could never forget

There was posturing and bragging
titles earned and business cards received
miles gained and countries visited
but mostly it was about
memories shared
about the times
the good times, usually
before
graying hair and expanding waists
children and responsibility
jobs won and lost

and the gap.

Some people never changed
at least in appearance
others I had trouble recognizing

People didn't recognize me
-my appearance changed, a little-
but several people stated I haven't changed
Why would I?

The hours were measured in drinks consumed
and communal recollections
and hugs, lots of hugs
but mostly
smiles
everyone smiled
and disclosed information
the answers to the blanks
- at least some of the blanks -
to this 20 year gap.

Spouses were introduced
and were lost in conversations
of events that predated them
Troopers, they stood by our sides
and sometimes sat by themselves
just like we will
when it's their turn
to fill in the blanks

I enjoyed myself
and was glad to see familiar faces
from my formative years
I was disappointed that there were
faces missing
faces important, at one time, to me
and a memory now

It felt good to reconnect with friends I knew
since grade school - there were a lot of us there
longtime friendships that may have waned slightly
throughout the years
but always a common bond
even if we're uncommon now

I still have blanks in need of filling
but the need isn't great

There is a gap that separates the me in the now
from the me back then
I'm still the same me
despite my appearance
and they are still themselves
from what I saw, briefly

We all pushed on
back to where we now reside
and work
and play

Email addresses and phone numbers exchanged
the communication will taper off
as it does
long distance relationships rarely work

but a few will

and those friendships will flourish
because some things never die
and because we've known each other
for so very long

I'm home now
where I feel I belong
back from where
I used to belong

a trip of 1500 miles
to fill in
a
20 year gap

Vacation time

I'm going on vacation for the next two and a half weeks. I may not get a chance to post anything during that time, but I should return rejuvenated, reconnected and with some new material (both written and audio.)

Until I return, enjoy the music and keep daydreaming....

Random

A stray bullet
Winning the lottery
Lightning
Bee stings
Genetic mutations
Weather
Order
Disorder
Chaos
Thoughts

Love

Updated music and music player

I have added some new songs to the blog as well as a new media player. I had some collaboration on a few of the new tracks (notably Dehli Sandwich -thanks, schizophrenic mind.) We hope you enjoy the tunes.

Native Winter

The plains were quiet and still
snow fell in hushed whispers
as the bison huddled together for warmth

the tribes that followed the herd
went about their days tasks
ultimately, to survive

as the herd moved
so did the tribe

such was life

unpredictable
hard
no moment to rest

never losing sight
of the great bison

or all would be lost


(this is what I envisioned when I wrote the accompanying song.)

Stalker

Wanting, unwanted
I lie sleepless, and dream for hours
Endlessly haunted
By a relationship turning sour

I hope that I can find solace, peace and love
In you

Once again
I will get in

New music element

I have added a music element to the right side of my blog. I created/composed all the songs with the help of some very talented music software. The music is raw and probably needs some major help with the mixing, structure, timing, and just about everything alse,but I'm very happy with the results. "Duo" features me on guitar accompanied by only a drum track. So far, that's the only song I play an instrument on (and I use the word 'play' very loosely...I am but an amateur, as you can tell.)

Due to space contraints, I can only list a few songs at a time. I will rotate the music and post when I list something new.

Please note that the music loops continuously until you press the stop button.


This is something very new to me and I hope you enjoy it! Let me know what you think.

melting

my shadow crept away from me

it danced upon the sidewalk

it seems happy to be free

my ego slowly slipped away from me

it bounded with ambition

disgusted with what I've turned out to be

my conscience is now packing to leave

tired of fighting battles

weary of the constant misery

my being is dripping away from me

melting in the chaos

of my futility

query

dreams and nightmares are born
of the same mother
the question arises:

who is the father?

nocturnal man

allergies prevail
shield me from the midday sun
hide me in the dark

just so there is no misunderstanding

Please remember:

expression flows from individuals in different ways

not every dark poem is a red flag

violence portrayed on paper doesn't always translate to real life
the same can also be said for happiness

readers often feel they know a writer based on the writing-
that's not the case

they know the body of work, but not the person

a good writer can make you make you laugh when he is crying
and good writer can inspire when he is at the deepest depths
a good writer can make you feel like you belong when he is a loner
a good writer can be a friend but the friendship is one sided
he doesn't know you

a writer pours his emotions, reflections and feeling into his work
but the work is not him
it's a collection of thoughts and ideas, studies and recollections
fact and fiction, glued together with syntax and prose

writing is an escape for some
and a job for others

writers can release inner demons or tame savage beasts
but the writer is still the same
the works change
the words change
but the writer
remains

twisted ideas and grotesque images
don't always lead to some internal deficiency
sometimes the works
just entertain
(though it's not everyone's cup of tea)

if someone throws up a red flag
for every poem, picture or file they find disturbing
there would be no future
Stephen Kings
Quinton Tarrentinos
Francis Ford Coppolas
Chuck Palahniuks

or Brothers Grimm


Still
there is cause for alarm
there are reasons for a red flag
and they are justified
as current events proclaim

the human mind is such a complex fragile mechanism
that when it's gears are greased with disdain,
hatred, indifference
racism, abuse, ridicule
it warps into a machine of destruction
bent on revenge

and sometimes
the mind is born that way

when tragedy strikes the blame game is played
with fingers pointing in every direction
looking for someone to pin the horror on
for someone to give a reason to, and explantion
the inexplicable truth
of why
this happened

Experts and analysts will crowd the airwaves
neighbors, family and classmates will shed minute details
trivialities that can't explain
the reason why

but we will dig further and further
until we feel we have unconvered the truth
and we will put in place measures to halt
any other incidents like this

but like a virus that grows immune to medication
like a creature adapting to a new surrounding
the unfortunate will happen again
leaving us asking why

and pointing fingers
and looking for red flags

everything is a red flag to someone



I do write dark and sometimes disturbing poetry and prose


I have also been mistreated in my life
many times cast out
occassionally left behind
lied to
cheated on
spurned for reasons I had no control over
like my height, my color, my maleness, my friends

such is life - we have all felt that way, some more than others

I have no manifesto
no arsenal
just a pen
and paper
or keyboard
and weblog

so please
just so there is no misunderstanding
don't label me with a red flag
when the words get depressing
or violent
or macabre

and thank you for your concern if you ever felt a red flag was warranted
that means as a writer
I did my job