New Song - Epic Journey

I've posted a new song titled "Epic Journey", an appropriate title since I just travelled a total 3000 miles in the last two weeks (in a truck, not flying.) The song is at the bottom of the playlist.

20 year gap

Reunion
of friends, class and spirit
a few brief hours to catch up and fill in the blanks
- a 20 year gap -
to reminisce the memories of youth
of dances and football games
parties and police
breakups and breakdowns
fights and friends lost

We rediscover those we knew
but forgot
- the years have taken their toll on memory-
and reacquaint with those we didn't know well
but remembered
and those we could never forget

There was posturing and bragging
titles earned and business cards received
miles gained and countries visited
but mostly it was about
memories shared
about the times
the good times, usually
before
graying hair and expanding waists
children and responsibility
jobs won and lost

and the gap.

Some people never changed
at least in appearance
others I had trouble recognizing

People didn't recognize me
-my appearance changed, a little-
but several people stated I haven't changed
Why would I?

The hours were measured in drinks consumed
and communal recollections
and hugs, lots of hugs
but mostly
smiles
everyone smiled
and disclosed information
the answers to the blanks
- at least some of the blanks -
to this 20 year gap.

Spouses were introduced
and were lost in conversations
of events that predated them
Troopers, they stood by our sides
and sometimes sat by themselves
just like we will
when it's their turn
to fill in the blanks

I enjoyed myself
and was glad to see familiar faces
from my formative years
I was disappointed that there were
faces missing
faces important, at one time, to me
and a memory now

It felt good to reconnect with friends I knew
since grade school - there were a lot of us there
longtime friendships that may have waned slightly
throughout the years
but always a common bond
even if we're uncommon now

I still have blanks in need of filling
but the need isn't great

There is a gap that separates the me in the now
from the me back then
I'm still the same me
despite my appearance
and they are still themselves
from what I saw, briefly

We all pushed on
back to where we now reside
and work
and play

Email addresses and phone numbers exchanged
the communication will taper off
as it does
long distance relationships rarely work

but a few will

and those friendships will flourish
because some things never die
and because we've known each other
for so very long

I'm home now
where I feel I belong
back from where
I used to belong

a trip of 1500 miles
to fill in
a
20 year gap

Vacation time

I'm going on vacation for the next two and a half weeks. I may not get a chance to post anything during that time, but I should return rejuvenated, reconnected and with some new material (both written and audio.)

Until I return, enjoy the music and keep daydreaming....

Random

A stray bullet
Winning the lottery
Lightning
Bee stings
Genetic mutations
Weather
Order
Disorder
Chaos
Thoughts

Love

Updated music and music player

I have added some new songs to the blog as well as a new media player. I had some collaboration on a few of the new tracks (notably Dehli Sandwich -thanks, schizophrenic mind.) We hope you enjoy the tunes.

Native Winter

The plains were quiet and still
snow fell in hushed whispers
as the bison huddled together for warmth

the tribes that followed the herd
went about their days tasks
ultimately, to survive

as the herd moved
so did the tribe

such was life

unpredictable
hard
no moment to rest

never losing sight
of the great bison

or all would be lost


(this is what I envisioned when I wrote the accompanying song.)

Stalker

Wanting, unwanted
I lie sleepless, and dream for hours
Endlessly haunted
By a relationship turning sour

I hope that I can find solace, peace and love
In you

Once again
I will get in

New music element

I have added a music element to the right side of my blog. I created/composed all the songs with the help of some very talented music software. The music is raw and probably needs some major help with the mixing, structure, timing, and just about everything alse,but I'm very happy with the results. "Duo" features me on guitar accompanied by only a drum track. So far, that's the only song I play an instrument on (and I use the word 'play' very loosely...I am but an amateur, as you can tell.)

Due to space contraints, I can only list a few songs at a time. I will rotate the music and post when I list something new.

Please note that the music loops continuously until you press the stop button.


This is something very new to me and I hope you enjoy it! Let me know what you think.

melting

my shadow crept away from me

it danced upon the sidewalk

it seems happy to be free

my ego slowly slipped away from me

it bounded with ambition

disgusted with what I've turned out to be

my conscience is now packing to leave

tired of fighting battles

weary of the constant misery

my being is dripping away from me

melting in the chaos

of my futility

query

dreams and nightmares are born
of the same mother
the question arises:

who is the father?

nocturnal man

allergies prevail
shield me from the midday sun
hide me in the dark

just so there is no misunderstanding

Please remember:

expression flows from individuals in different ways

not every dark poem is a red flag

violence portrayed on paper doesn't always translate to real life
the same can also be said for happiness

readers often feel they know a writer based on the writing-
that's not the case

they know the body of work, but not the person

a good writer can make you make you laugh when he is crying
and good writer can inspire when he is at the deepest depths
a good writer can make you feel like you belong when he is a loner
a good writer can be a friend but the friendship is one sided
he doesn't know you

a writer pours his emotions, reflections and feeling into his work
but the work is not him
it's a collection of thoughts and ideas, studies and recollections
fact and fiction, glued together with syntax and prose

writing is an escape for some
and a job for others

writers can release inner demons or tame savage beasts
but the writer is still the same
the works change
the words change
but the writer
remains

twisted ideas and grotesque images
don't always lead to some internal deficiency
sometimes the works
just entertain
(though it's not everyone's cup of tea)

if someone throws up a red flag
for every poem, picture or file they find disturbing
there would be no future
Stephen Kings
Quinton Tarrentinos
Francis Ford Coppolas
Chuck Palahniuks

or Brothers Grimm


Still
there is cause for alarm
there are reasons for a red flag
and they are justified
as current events proclaim

the human mind is such a complex fragile mechanism
that when it's gears are greased with disdain,
hatred, indifference
racism, abuse, ridicule
it warps into a machine of destruction
bent on revenge

and sometimes
the mind is born that way

when tragedy strikes the blame game is played
with fingers pointing in every direction
looking for someone to pin the horror on
for someone to give a reason to, and explantion
the inexplicable truth
of why
this happened

Experts and analysts will crowd the airwaves
neighbors, family and classmates will shed minute details
trivialities that can't explain
the reason why

but we will dig further and further
until we feel we have unconvered the truth
and we will put in place measures to halt
any other incidents like this

but like a virus that grows immune to medication
like a creature adapting to a new surrounding
the unfortunate will happen again
leaving us asking why

and pointing fingers
and looking for red flags

everything is a red flag to someone



I do write dark and sometimes disturbing poetry and prose


I have also been mistreated in my life
many times cast out
occassionally left behind
lied to
cheated on
spurned for reasons I had no control over
like my height, my color, my maleness, my friends

such is life - we have all felt that way, some more than others

I have no manifesto
no arsenal
just a pen
and paper
or keyboard
and weblog

so please
just so there is no misunderstanding
don't label me with a red flag
when the words get depressing
or violent
or macabre

and thank you for your concern if you ever felt a red flag was warranted
that means as a writer
I did my job

vox

cut my veins to let the feelings out
bleeding within without withheld
cut my tongue to let the words out
speaking out within withheld

these emotions drain away
the pain slowly starts to wane
the sins of yesterday
fade like screams of the insane

smashed my head against the floor
ideas splatter here and there
slammed my face into the door
expressions nothing but a smear

pulled myself together, slow
pieces falling to the ground
reassembled from high to low
puzzle rebuilt to withstand the sound

of my own voice

VisualDNA of a Day Dreamer

"dreamer" huh...no kidding

yearn

we live for those moments when the planets are in line
and the heavens smile upon us with pleasing starshine

we shy from those times when the cloudy skies turn dark
and when the attitudes fester and the words grow stark

we hide from the rain and the wind and natures indifference
like we hide from the pain of neglect and lack of interest

we fight against the cold and unending chill
and seek refuge from hate and unbending will

we give in to the pain and give up on the dream
and live out a life of complacency

we spin in a circle of infinite dispair
wondering how we ever got there

we believe in the mighty power of change
yet everything seems to stay the same

our world shrinks - from huge to tiny
our hearts ache, the pain spiny

we live for those moments when the planets are in line
and spend our lives trying to relive that time

the luck ones have no idea
how lucky they are

finite

we live for those moments when the planets are in line
and the heavens smile upon us with pleasing starshine

we yearn for those times when the cloudy skies turn dark
and when the attitudes fester and the words grow stark

we hide from the rain and the wind and natures indifference
like we hide from the pain of neglect and lack of interest

we fight against the cold and chill
and seek refuge from unbending will

we give in to the pain and give up on the dream
and live out a life of complacency

we spin in a circle of infinite dispair
wondering how we ever got there

we believe in the power of change
yet everything stays the same

our world shrinks from huge to tiny
our hearts ache, trapped infinitely

we live for those moments when the planets are in line
and spend our lives trying to relive that time

the luck ones have no idea
how lucky they are

Have a nice trip...Part III

I'm back at work, but I cannot do my job since I can't drive yet (damn cast). So I get to sit in the office all day and do projects.
You know what projects are, right?

Stuff nobody else wants to do. Period.

And I have four more weeks before I can put pressure on my leg again (ie., walk or drive.) Four more weeks. Of projects.

Falling down and breaking things sucks.

Be careful out there.

Or you'll be doing projects too!

Have a nice trip...Part II

It's been four (long, long) weeks since I slipped and broke my ankle. I had surgery two and a half weeks ago; I now own eight screws and a plate on my tibia and an extra long screw through both my tibia and fibula to stabilize my ankle and help the lingament and tendons heal. One of my ligaments actually tore off a piece of bone from the back of my ankle, and now it's back where it belongs and (hopefully) healing nicely. I just recieved my fiberglass cast. I'll have that removed in less than three weeks, then I get a boot. At least then I can stand in the shower! I cannot walk on the leg for another six weeks though. Bummer. Then I get to stretch everything and work on the leg muscles again, therapy, etc. I've been able to work on a project from home, and that's been great (I don't have to se the rest of my sick time.) I'll probably go back to the office after next week. Yippee. Ayway, that's the update. Thanks for all your wishes and thoughts.

burden

don't look at me like that
there's nothing I can do
It wasn't supposed to be this way
a burden to you

Little by little I'm moving forward
I'm doing the best I can do
I never meant to be a heavy load
such a burden to you

let me go
just let me go
free the load
let me go

the years have started to weigh
heavily inside of me
I never wanted it this way
burdens burning me

the years never really die
the actions cannot be undone
the redemption unfulfilled
burdens everyone

let it go
just let me go
free the load
let it go

shoulders sagging again
the weight bears down
hearts are dragging
the burdens abound

greener fields eagerly await
open hearts and minds
if we could only
leave the burdens behind

if only
let it go
just
let me go

parallel

the sky falls so eloquently
into my eager eyes
the tears fall so frequently
from darkned skies

be gone
get on your way
there's nothing left
here

bygone
era's have taught
there's nothing left
here

the night melts longingly
on the tip of my tongue
the bitter taste of failure
clouds the horizon

the forecast calls for pain
the diagnosis is rain

it's all the same