My surrender

Smile fades into frown
The world is upside down
The gentle caress is gone

Love melts into tolerance
No longer have legs to dance
Unforeseen circumstance

Can’t observe your vacant stare
It’s more than I can bear
Focused anywhere, but here

Autumn passing to cold winter night
Prelude to another vicious fight
No one is ever right

Emotional baggage on our back
Devotional rhetoric off-track
I can’t keep picking up the slack

This should come as no surprise
You could have read it in my eyes
It’s time to unload the disguise

Of love

Father

“Why didn’t you ever guide me”, I asked?
“He said there were no maps of the heart
And the journey is yours only”
It took years to understand the wisdom he shared
And he...
…never turned a deaf ear
…always shared his time
…never turned me away
…did his best to comfort me


I wish it was real
In my dreams, you were a father
The dialog was imagination
You never said that much, ever
Why weren’t you there
Instead of hiding in plain view
Suspicious, greedy
Needy and childish

Why weren’t you my
teacher, my guide
One to reveal the secrets of the world
To show the right’s and wrongs,
Display the tendency of love

Where were you?

plunge

hope is not for the weak in spirit
dreams are not for the faint of heart

so close your eyes
take a breath
move closer to the edge
take that step

into the unknown
where adventure unfolds

life is not a spectator sport

deep

She cuts me
without a blade, but
with her tongue
the incision is made

and I bleed

Firefight

Dodging the bullets that fall like rain,
wondering if the world will ever be the same
As I duck and run for cover, run for cover

Dodging the bullets that fall around my head,
wondering if I will end up dead
I just hope to find some cover, need some cover

I just hope, I just hope to make it home


Dedicated to those that live to fight another day, and those that didn't.

10 seconds of pain

She asked what’s wrong.
“Nothing,” he stared at the wall.
“You sure?” she didn’t seem concerned.
“Yeah,” he lied.
“I love you,” she lied.
“I love you too.”

What it all means

I sometimes wonder what goes through a writer's head when they write, and I wonder why they write the way they do. In case anyone ever wondered that about me, here's my story.

Poetry expresses an emotion, occurrence, dream, thought, moment, wish, fantasy, idea or ideal. For me, poetry (and verse, and all that other fun stuff) becomes an avenue of escape from the mundane and predictable to the surreal, improbable, and even impossible. The beauty of poetry exists in the interpretation; the ten different ideas or thoughts that ten different people can get from the same few lines. Poetry can open doors to places no one ever knew existed. It unlocks something within us, draws on our own references to pull us into that moment or into our own moment. Verse can produce anger, tears, reflection, derision, interest, fascination, infatuation, love, hate, denial, guilt, and boredom, among host of other emotions. Poetry is fluid and takes the shape of the readers mind; I like it that way. My idea when I write a verse may be totally different than the reader’s idea when they read it. And it should be that way. Readers can interpret lines differently based on their sex, experience, background, age, time of day, etc. What makes sense to some is gibberish to others. What touches some angers others. What bores one, may inspire another. Poetry takes words, assembled in a unique package of lines, stanzas and structures, and opens window. That window can become an opportunity to unleash a wellspring of feelings or images. The words are free to assume whatever forms the writer and the reader chooses; the only limitation is imagination. For me, poetry expresses much in a short amount of time. A few simple lines can contain the same story as a novel, condensed, leaving the reader to fill in the details. It requires a willingness by the reader to fill in those blanks, to complete the poem so that it is only for them. Unlike a novel, there is no beginning or end, just possibilities. Sure, you can point at the first word and the last word and say it starts here and ends here, but someone else may disagree and say the beginning was long before the first word, and the ending is still being written. At least, that’s the way they see it from their window.

Poetry, simply stated, is nothing but a jumble of words with limitless potential, to the writer and reader alike.

It’s meaningless and meaningful, helpless and helpful, true and imagined.

Poetry is what we want it to be.

And it just, is.

Purchase

Buy me the sky, and paint it orange and green
Buy me a mountain top, and bring it down to me
Buy me the ocean blue, and put it in my room
It doesn’t matter to me, as long as it comes from you

Buy me a painting, and put it under my bed
Buy me a kettle, and put it onto my head
Buy me a book, that no one has ever read
It doesn’t matter to me, as long as it comes from you

Life is so much sweeter
When I’m spending it with you
The water is so much deeper
But I’m not afraid with you

Buy me the music, no one has ever played
Buy me the hotel, where no one has ever stayed
Buy me the rhythm, and pair it with the blues
It would be so very sweet, as long as it comes from you

Buy me a second, maybe a minute, or an hour
Buy me a day, a month, or even a year
Buy me a millenium, or maybe even two
It doesn’t matter, as long as I spend it with you

Life is so much sweeter
When I’m sharing it with you
The water so much clearer
I’ll dive in with you

Buy me forever, and place it in a jar
Buy me your smile, and place it in my heart
Buy me your heart, and place it here with mine
Together beating, until the end of time

With you
Sweeter
With you

=

we love one another
we hurt one another
we take care of each other
we share with each other
we're best friends
we're bitter enemies
we give and take
we love and hate
we feel left out
we work it out
we push and shove
we kiss and love
we push and pull
we are equal

Invitation

A presence of splendid features so fine
Enraptures the heart, body and mind
A glimpse of such a beautiful face
The allure of confidence, style and grace
Magnetic fields tingle on the skin
Gravitational pull deep within
Mutual drive down an uncharted route
Freedom beyond misgiving and doubt

Desire

A promise of a second glance
The uncertainty of taking a chance
The eagerness of heart’s desires
Excitement spreads like prairie fire
Suspense in first words spoken
Denial of past hearts broken
Apprehension of feelings to share
The prospect of having someone care

Anticipation

The charm of smiles across the room
Lure of seduction in full bloom
Flattery in words exchanged
Prelude to passion untamed
The enticement of a shoulder bare
Or fingers running through soft hair
Intoxication of new found curves
Enhanced sensation, heightened nerves

Arrival

Fear and anxiety slowly recede
To pleasure, bodies eagerly concede
Submitting to heat, a raging fire
Flesh shudders in the throes of desire
The moments pass deliciously sweet
Movements designed for ultimate release
The greatest pleasure ever known
The union of hearts, bodies and souls

Acceptance

False Prophets

Don’t believe all that you see
Or all that you hear
One day
It will all disappear
And the wisdom of the ages
And the intelligence that served you well
Will fade into dust
To be blown across the winds of time
Stinging the eyes of strangers
Who will never understand
And never even try
Until the dawn breaks
And the cycle ends
And we’re truly free

Bittersweet

Sometimes moments aren’t what I expect
Life throws me a curve
I’m not going to toss the towel in yet
I must try to live and learn

And hope that tomorrow and the day after that
Will be have everything that I’ll ever need
Because yesterday is gone, and today slips away
And the aftertaste is too bittersweet

Sometimes people aren’t what I expect
They play by their own set of rules
I can’t take myself out of the game yet
I have to keep playing the fool

And hope that she will see me for what I really am
And not what she hopes I can be
Because I’m too old to change, and too young to die
With memories this bittersweet

My life, my love
Bittersweet

The only thing we can't control, we tempt

It can all change, with a splashing wave
or even a crash of thunder
People mill about, stare at the sky
in wonder

the heavens open
unleashing their pent up fury
and change life in drastic
dramatic ways

we heed no warnings - man can survive anything
(we foolheartedly and arrogantly believe.)
well, maybe mankind, but not all men

we live on the edge
of a million disasters waiting to happen
and we smile, ignorant in our bliss
until the images appear on tv
in the paper, in all the magazines
and on every web page

we follow with the story
with a sick fascination,
uttering words of prayer for those unfortunate souls
who never saw it coming
even though
we all push the envelope
we push nature
we aren't happy when she pushes back

we act surprised
when we should know better
we appear shocked
in the blazing heat or the flooded street

We cry to out toward the sky
"Why?"
and all we hear in return, is silence
because the answer is there
we just don't listen

Comment Spam

I turned on word verification because I received 10 Spam comments on my last post (which totally deflated my balloon when I thought I had 14 real comments-does anybody ever read my posts?) Anyway, I hope this small inconvenience doesn't stop real people from leaving comments. I apologize for this, but those spam comments are a pain in the butt.

I am, Part II - Excess

I am the one that...
...cares a little too much
...drinks way too much, when I drink
...swears all the time
...thinks, analyzes and evaluates all the time
...believes in love too much
...spends more money than I should
...eats too much
...sleeps in too much
...smokes too much, when I smoke
...stays up too late, too often
...reads several books at once
...starts several projects at the same time
...stockpiles what I like, whether I need it or not
...will keep in touch, whether you like it or not
...believes in the rules, common sense and common courtesy
...puts my heart, as well as my head, into my job
...searches for the answers

Promise

Distant memories
puddling like summer's rain,
wash me clean of you

Separation of church and me

I received email today
From a friend, a relative, an associate
That said we should pray
For the little ones, the poor
Those too sick to pray for themselves

To pray
For those in the service
Deployed in countries we cannot spell
Fighting for causes not our own
Die for who knows what
Who knows where

To pray for our leadership
To guide us through the difficult economy
The war they created
The social security fiasco
For their arrogance

I receive a lot of emails about who to pray for
With requests and pleas, heart touching stories and horrific details about injustice
Sickness, ailments and death
War torn orphans and crack babies
Housing project rejects and inner city gangs
All crying out for help
All crying for my prayers

Do prayers really help?
Do my words, appeals and petitions really make a difference
to some unknown supreme being
that allows all this pain and unfairness anyway?

Don’t preach to me
Don’t quote scripture
Don’t tell me how the Lord works…

And don’t email me asking for prayers.

You pray your way,
I’ll pray mine…privately.

Uncomfortable, Part II - The pieces

Give a little
Take a little
Push a little
Pull a little

Sacrifices made
Sacrifices to make
Promises made
Promises to break

Give a little
Take some more
Start a family
Start a war

Selfish wretch
Self contained
No self respect
Pass the blame

Feed the flames
You let them die
But you learned to love
what was left behind


That was me

I don’t what to be
Something learned

Sometimes

Not a one night stand but a good romance
you walked into my life by circumstance
love was so close, so very near
I long to hold you now, hold you here

even though it was only a short time
that we spent together
I feel like I've known you
known you forever

sometimes
a little bit of something
can feel so good

other times
I walk around in silence
doing what I should

every time
I look deep into your eyes
I long to feel your touch

sometimes
a little bit of something
can be a bit too much

We sang aloud magical tunes
in harmony, we sang the blues
stared at the stars from a moonless beach
your heart was close but just out of reach

even though it was only a short time
that we spent together
It feels like you've been gone
gone forever

sometimes
a little bit of something
can feel so good

other times
I walk around in silence
doing what I should

every time
I look deep into your eyes
I long to feel your touch

sometimes
a little bit of something
is a bit too much

-summer, 1989

Inside

Through the night
I lie sleepless
through the darkness
I see distant light
through the silence
I hear soothing rhythms
through the heartbreak
I've done only wrong

Within my heart
an ache too sweet
within my soul
emotions dance
within my being
fire burns bright
within my life
no more retreat

Forgive my errors
human mistakes
forgive my ignorance
I strive to learn
forgive my actions
quick and thoughtless
forgive my arrogance
I humbly ask

through the night,
within my heart,
forgive my errors,

inside