Mathematics

she sat perpendicular
to my
point of view
an obtuse angle
sine, cosine, tangent
askew
her words were on another
plane
parallel and
congruent
to my own spatial
relations:
equality, addition, multiplication

the logic is all there
the processes proven
we just need to
reduce

and find the sum
of all things

A place to rest

the calendar
is two months behind
my memory
is failing all the time

who am I again?
and where do I belong?
who am I again?
and who was I before?

the impressions of the past
lead me lower to the floor
while my will is slowly heading
for the door

and the answers that I seek
are escaping as we speak
so I think I'll lie down
and close my eyes

and sleep

for the final time

Another truth

the confession
changed the way
you look at me

but it had to be said

a truth

souls and promises
are only as good
as the people they inhabit

death and memory

Darkness is all around
can't hear a single sound
can you hear my screams?
nothing is what it seems...

fade away
into the nothing
fade away
until there is nothing

Coldness surrounds
no one to give ground
can you give me heat
where will I find something to eat?

Fade away
into oblivion
fade away
into the dust

there is nothing left
but
memories

5 Year anniversary of Reality Bytes

Where does the time go?

Well, it goes on. This is my 5th year writing this blog and it has been a great joy to me. I know lately I haven't written much. It's life, you know? No matter what, I will return to this blog and share my insights, my observations, or my dreams.

Also, since the site does keep track, this is my 253rd post. Since most of my posts are poems or prose, I'm pretty proud of the amount of work I have produced since 5/4/05. And I know it's not about quantity, but I feel all the work is quality. Don't we all?

I hope you will return and enjoy what you read. I'll keep writing 'em if you keep reading 'em.

Daydreamer

change

there is a change in the weather
that the forecasters missed
it's sneaking up behind us
and will hit us like the blitz

there is a change in our stature
that the doctor's couldn't see
a curve of imagination
inter cranial deformity

there is a change in our outlook
as the world becomes so small
no mountain is big enough
no skyscraper too tall

there is a change in my head
that I don't understand
I guess I'll play along
with the rest of the band

there is a change
here
and there
changes everywhere

yet it all stays the same

It's just like

it's 11:32
and I
long for you

It's time
to stop chasing skirts
oh god this hurts

what do you
want me to say
to prove to you

that what I felt
that one fateful day
is still true?

it's 11:32
and you're asleep
I'm awake

and it's like
any other night
after the give and take

it's just like any other night
it's just like any other day
the chips
they fall where they may

it's just like any other man
it's just like any other woman
it's more complex than we believe
it's only

it's just like you and me
and everything in between
it's just like
you and me

only you're asleep
and I wish
you were
awake

greatness

what is greatness
we all have our definition
maybe it's running into a burning building
to save a child
or perhaps it's studying to cure
the wasting diseases that ravage our age
maybe it's someone who discovers the true
meaning of it all
still others may view a strong faith
a belief in the unknown as great

what is great to you
may not mean anything to another
what is god to you
is nothing to someone else
what is sacred
is malignant
in the eyes
of others
that which is evil
can be described
by another person
as a way of life

what is your greatness
and your greatest weakness?
together they form
the universe
that is you

and me

no one can steal a dream

the lost can only retrieve
memories
of better times when
things went right
before the madness
before the darkness
before the confusion
the damned can only hope
and pray
for salvation
before damnation
before suffering
before finality
the hopeful can only dream
aspirations
for tomorrow
before reality prevails
before economies crash
before depression wins
the downtrodden
can only wish
for a morsel
before the greedy
or other needy
knock them down
the dreamers
can only dream
of whatever they wish
no one can steal a dream

Drained

I cannot find any words
to string together
to form the a phrase
to express anything

I cannot find the time
to piece together
a singular pause
to catch my breath

I can't find any one word
to make this all go away
take this haze made of gray
to bring me around

I will keep searching
and I know the words
will be there

they never fail me

I love you

Today is not about the flowers
jewelry or boxes of candy
It's not about the greeting cards
dinners out or sexy lingerie
It's not about manufacturing
what we really feel about each other

Today
like any other day
I love you

I will tell you a million times
if that is what you want to hear
I prefer you show me with your actions
so that I will always know

This day is no more special or precious
than any other day
it is just as special and precious
as every other day

I spend with you

This is not a special day because
card companies and jewelry stores
and candy sellers
say so

It's special because
you are with me

I love you!

Magnetic Poetry 1/29/09

underachiever

I can do a great many things
but I can only do a few things great
I never finished my first year of college
I haven't played in organized sports

I believe I could have been great
at something, anything
I could have been a great piano player
I have big hands

I could have been a great doctor
I have the smarts and compassion
I could have been a stuntman
according to my childhood dreams

I could have been so many things

Yet I'm not

I had all the time in the world
I had opportunities
but I thought of other things
I never realized

how lonely mediocrity can be
how depressing the future can look
how overwhelming it all seems now
when I don't have as much time

I suppose I could still be a doctor
but I'd die before paying the student loans
I could be a concert pianist
if I took lessons every hour of every day

I could paint the next masterpiece
or write the next great poem...

those are still attainable

and I believe in my heart
that I could have been great
but I'll settle for what I am
what I have become

through all the years
the scrapes and the bumps
the jobs and fights
the births and the deaths

I have nothing to be ashamed of
because if we all look inside
I'm sure we'd all find
an underachiever

broken windows

feel the cold
of the world around you
feel the life
that is slowly slipping by

turn your eyes down
and see what lies beneath
turn away now
and leave the hatred behind

there is never a true mirror
that will show what we want to see
there are only little windows
between you and me

little broken windows

time-less

The new year brings promise
the new year brings pain
the new year has solace
the new year has rain

we should never forget
the concept of time
is a human invention
it doesn't exist

for anything except us
it limits us, it ties us down
it shackles our lives until
we are slaves of it

time
year
day
minute
second

all concepts
we immediately recognize
but fight against
futile

Time does not wash slates clean
fading memories do
Time does not forgive
people do

time doesn't, and isn't
it's just
a figment
of each of us


spend it wisely
for it is a piece of you

journey to nowhere

like forces of nature
emotions turn us from the norm
and who has the skills
to forecast the next storm?

we're at the mercy
of what goes on inside
we think we're the captain
it's all just foolish pride

no one can navigate
the islands that dwell within
the water's too choppy
the ice a little too thin

expeditions are met
with disappointing ends
we should have listened to family
we should have followed our friends

and just live our lives
with no need for explanation
live fully and ride the waves
like the rest of the nation

but I keep making the journey
and looking for the source
the wellspring of feelings
I haven't found it of course

like searching for the famed
fabled fountain of youth
I am seeking my own
deeper inner truth

sadness

"once bitten
twice shy"
thrice bitten
rotten way to die
but I lived
and was bit again
and nipped
each time
tearing the flesh
draining the lifeblood
each time
tearing my soul
depleting my reserve
but I kept walking
through the door
like I had the answer
confident to a fault
I would fix this

how do you fix one thing
when it's actually two different things?

blind and deaf
I ignored the inner voices
and what i could see

I would repair the damage
I didn't inflict

I would repair the damage
I didn't deserve

I would repair the damage
deemed too severe

I would

keep walking through the door

I believed the words
full of deception
dishonesty
lies

I believed you again
and again
and again
again

broken records don't repeat
as often as I did

walking through the door

I dreamt of driving
straight out of town

stopping only when necessary
no destination in mind

just distance

and when i got out of the car
I walked through the door

the fights were awful
brutal
often

there were reasons for them

but I ignored the facts
I could fix it
I could be the answer
the answer to your prayers
but you didn't pray
not for me
and I kept walking through the door

day after day
the same routine
the same forced smiles
the same lies

I recall making love one night
(although to be fair,
it was having sex at that point)
and you had no energy
no enthusiasm
you lay, still, cold

later you said I repulse you
I still hear the words
I wanted to vomit
sick to my stomach
those words made me, and make me

I kept walking through the door

The times you stayed after work
and you weren't there

the excuses
the situations
the denial

massive amounts of denial

you never could just say it
you never could just speak the truth
you never wanted to hurt anyone
but you did, constantly

we sat on the front porch
and talked about what each of us would take
when we separated

but we didn't

we both kept walking through the door

you weren't happy
you were scared to tell the truth
about your feelings
that you wanted out

so you went out
again
and again
and again

the whole broken record
repeat
repeat
repeat

and it hurt
both of us
all of us

it hurt everyone

and it still does

I fight it
I say that things will get better
I convince myself that this is different

and I walk through the door

when will I open my eyes
and see the trap behind the door?

the same hole I keep falling into
like a bad dream
floating towards a bitter end
nothing to grab
nowhere can I find purchase

just adrift towards an inevitable end

I am a fool
and fools fall
right through the door
again

I never wanted it to be about me
but it was all along

we're never as good looking, smart or heroic
as we think we are

we're never as charming, or slim or good
as we set out to be

we're never quite the same image
of what we see in our minds

and when we look into the mirror
of other people's eyes

we don't like what we see
unless they are saying

what we want to hear
distorting what is real

creating the image
we hope we are

helping us achieve
the ultimate lie

Wicked

the means to the end
were manipulated by the one
trusted soul, without remorse
driven by self satisfying
delusions, reckless abandon
and wanting

beings intermingled
in heated desire
amid the tragedy

the actions
the ideas
the movements

graphic
obscene
beautiful

the emotions
the feelings
the wanting

graphic
obscene
surreal

and the one
the chosen one
self chosen

directing every nuance
indulging in every
pleasure

cedes to the
realization
that

nothing planned
nothing plotted
nothing yearned

could ever be
this good
this intense

or

wicked

giving up

where do I begin
and where do I end?

what is happening?
how my will does bend

I'm giving up
and giving in
to the fact that I
cannot win

in this life

where did I go wrong
and where did I go right?

and what did I do
to push you out of sight?

I'm giving up
and giving in
to the fact that I
cannot live

this life

When I tried to make amends
where did I go wrong?

When I tried to show you love
you danced to a different song

and songwriter
and the dance has never been the same

I'm giving up
and giving in
to the fact that I
don't fit in

I'm giving up
and giving in
to the fact that I
finally surrender

to the ghosts
of your
indiscretions