Reality Bytes

picture perfect

2011-10-14T02:04:00.003-06:00

like an old black and white
day and night
we contrasted
yet focused

the exposure
and subsequent zoom
exhilarated us
framed our desires

like a flash bulb
we burned intensely
double negatives
making a positive

the chemicals
balanced
the brightness
profound

the results
picture perfect

wishful thinking

2011-10-14T01:01:00.003-06:00

ever search for something
for so long
put forth so much effort
that when you finally
found what you were looking for
you had no idea what to do next?

you feel like you come to a complete stop
and expect a miracle
or a miraculous change
but nothing is different
it's still the same old you
only
more empty.

I feel like that sometimes.
I don't know why I search when I know I will only
be left feeling sad
and empty
and lonely.

harbinger

2011-09-22T23:13:00.002-06:00

she spoke in hushed tones
not to me
but around me

I could hear her voice in the wind
the trees, the grass
she spoke in whispers

and rhymes,
"time and time again"
she repeated in every natural tongue
"you failed me yet again"

I cried and listened and shook
she spoke the truth
on the petals of a rose
and the barb of the thorn

she revealed the wishes
never granted, never fulfilled
of a gentle heart and open mind

she cursed the day and wept for the night
branches trembled at her fury
but clouds calmed her resolve

"you will see me again"
she foretold with a glass surface stillness
and she laughed

shrill echoes shattered the stillness
drowned out by distant thunder
then peace

yet there is no peace
for her
or me

until we meet again

on the brink

2011-07-23T15:13:00.004-06:00

a whisper
only an idea really
implanted
by a figment of wind

a ghost of a thought
just passing
through the ether
onto the edge of consciousness

a blink of an eye
movement of
a hummingbirds wing
a flash - it's gone

leaving only
a whisper

I'm not

2011-04-01T00:26:00.005-06:00

I'm not alive
though I breathe
I'm not dead
though I 'm numb
I'm not blind
though I see
I'm not real
though I am here

I'm not a lot of things
And I will be one more
as
a

finale

introspection

2011-01-18T21:42:00.003-07:00

undernourished
overexposed
under suspicion
over exerted

sometimes I can't get it right
and I look deep inside
and my inner child is weeping

sometimes I can't get enough
and I look deep inside
and my inner child is sleeping

underwhelming
overfed
under the gun
over the hill

sometimes I can't get away
so I look deep inside
and my inner child is laughing

sometimes I can't get focused
so I stare deep inside
and my inner child is cracking

that little bastard needs to die....

14

2010-12-31T01:59:00.002-07:00

so small
the number

so vain

so incomplete

I wish you larger
but time is a killer

it speeds when I slow
no where to go

I've tried
oh God I've tried

but belief is weak
and the pull is great

don't judge
like you know me
don't mock
like you care
don't
just don't

if you want ot make a difference
then talk to me

and maybe
just maybe
14
would be so much more

will we ever know?

Gone

2010-12-31T01:55:00.002-07:00

hop
like a bunny
hop
to catch me

I'm a fast motherfucker
It'll never last though
like last evenings snow
I'll diminish

then I'm gone
like the westerly wind

jump
like a silly fool
jump
to catch me, tool

I'm a slick little bastard
within my realm
never know when
I'll show again

soon I'm gone
like your favorite song

hide
like a small child
hide
life is wild

until the dawn breaks again
living within this sin
fingers pointed away
I can never stay

I'm gone

Faces

2010-12-04T02:01:00.003-07:00

Faces
filling spaces

Faces
fulfilling graces

faces
I will never see again

random chances
circumstances
unspoken thoughts
forget-me-nots

quickening pulses
minuses and pluses
smiles endearing
heart never fearing

crowded places
shining faces
time goes by
it seems to fly

images transferred
feelings deferred
yearning badly
wanting madly

the faces
I will never see again

the death of a dream

2010-09-24T22:15:00.003-06:00

i had always hoped
for a common bond
a heart to share the word

the beating goes on alone
becomes the tattoo of the sadness
that engulfs me

and the search continues
til my dying day

destiny

2010-09-24T22:07:00.004-06:00

daggers and words
strike fear
into the hearts of the man
so brave

brevity is the word of the day
keep it simple and quick

I believed the word of a liar
does that make the liar more so,
or me the even bigger
fool?

who knows what lies in the heart of men
only the
darkest of horror s
that dwell in the shadows

begone
flailing doubt
cast aside like so many
unwanted emotions

i know for sure the truth
or perceived truth
before it happens
premonition of the days to come

without the security of a safety net
on the bar high above the anxious crowd
my heart beats for each of you
as it cannot do for me alone

be still, fool, breathe and relax
for the line is thin
and the walk is long
and tomorrow is not a promise to anyone

i close my eyes and dream
of a place
not far from my dreams
alone and welcome

and I drift off
never to be heard from
again

insignificant destiny

2010-06-07T22:44:00.002-06:00

we can breathe new life
into many things

except ourselves

we get our second wind
a spurt of energy

and ultimately die

we prolong the inevitable
as long as we can

but we succumb

the wrinkles and the years
increase in proportion

we visibly age

our minds and our strides
seem to slow

as we climb the mountain of life

time is unforgiving
dispassionate
a bitch

life is too short
for others too long

side by side we stand

until one falls
replaced by another
and another
and another
another another

we're a blip in oblivion
a microscopic speck in the universe

but we live
and should always live

like we belong

somewhere

I am I

2010-06-05T00:40:00.004-06:00

destination
unknown
means of conveyance
alone

making sense doesn't make much
sense anymore
so I'll be walking
up the street

I bet you thought I'd rhyme
I usually do it every time
but I let you astray
oh my

but the colors bleed
and they can't be bandaged with love
or kisses or soothing words
infection will spread

and the disease is the means
of conveyance
it's how to get from point "A"
to somewhere between
a rock and
no place special

it's the intravenous drip
of the grandfather clock
declaring when the hour is
digressing
slowly, deliberately
with all the passion one saves
for those moments in life
when everything will be different
those defining instances
when it all comes together

only to be taken away
by a thief
in sheep's clothing
with the wool
pulled over
it's
eyelids droop
and slumber finally comes
and dreams are dreamt
and screams are kept
under lock and key
until the nightmares
are real
and everyday breathes
down your neck
like a fairy
dragon
hungry
angry
gigantic

and we have no place to run
and our legs
turn to rubber
bands
of people try to save us
yet stay away from the danger
because it's the thought that counts
unless your dying

then only living counts

one

two

three

I'm alive

I feel the hot breath
I see the crowds
but they ignore me
I'm not the flavor of the month
except to this
very large angry dragon
dragging on
with all the fury
of a solar flare
disrupting communication
between us and them
the haves
and the have nots
the real
and the imaginary
the hopeful
and the distraught
the fearful
and the brave
the liars
and the pious
the believers
and the realists

the wars rage on
oblivious to the cost
of living
and
dying
I'm dying
to be
by your
side

and

you

the dragon

won't

consume

all of me

but if you must
then do it
take your best
shot
and be done with it
these games re
for fools
and I play to win
a fool by any other name
would still
be
a

loser
in
this
game

with no means of survival
or conveyance
except the ultimate
surrender

I let my spirit go

and place it
in your
delicate hands

to shape
or discard
as you see fit

the clay to your imagination
the medium to your desires

I am pliable
in your hands

I am resilient
I am
I

The last breath

2010-06-01T01:13:00.000-06:00

My blog is dying....

All secrets known

2010-04-13T23:19:00.002-06:00

in the vast ever changing
electronic landscape
that has become our new world

attention spans ever shrinking
as we're inundated and overwhelmed
with the status feeds of the masses

when did we ever concern
ourselves with the mundane rituals of life?
all the stuff we never bothered to share

socializing becomes ever more antisocial
and friends are just icons on a touch screen
wired up, plugged in, in touch by a distance

we feel safe in the obscurity
unaware that we're not so obscure, or hidden
we hang our flag everywhere

we boast of conquests and crimes
and dance our fingers across keyboards
and tell too much about ourselves

for our own good, we're oblivious
there are no secrets anymore
we've posted them for the world to see

but most people are too busy
updating
to notice

Can't get through

2010-04-03T19:38:00.003-06:00

the words spill from the page to the floor
the tears fall as the heart heads for the door

can't get through
can't get enough
we're not through
I'm not enough

walking away from what I cannot explain
believing in something that will never be the same

can't get through
can't get enough
we're not through
It's not enough

the place we lived has become a place to die
we can't talk or look each other in the eye
many years, none wasted, have slowly washed away
can either of us live like this another day

can't get through
can't get enough
we're not through
I'm not enough

can't get through
it's not enough
we're not true
can't get enough

we close our eyes and wish it's like the past
more laughter than tears and love that would last
we open ourselves to this new reality
that maybe this is how it will always be

can't get through
can't get enough
we're not through
we're not enough

it's all true

all the time in the world

2010-03-13T01:23:00.002-07:00

the push
or pull I
used to feel
that compelled me to write
has taken
root in my fingers
and ears

I write
six string sonnets
that the world may never hear

like the words
I so often wrote
that the world may never read

like the
paintings in my mind
that may never reach the canvas

like the thoughts
that I dream
never seeing their realization

I pour my heart into my passions
but time is the constraint
if I had all the time in the world
I'd probably be

just as sad

Magnetic Poetry #2: A Wish

2010-01-22T20:08:00.000-07:00

A.M.

2010-01-22T09:27:00.003-07:00

The blankets cover her torso
rising gently with each breath
Her legs twitch a few times
then she lays still

Elsewhere, people shower, and eat,
They read the paper, run to the buses,
or train stations or to airport gates
Harried and hurried, frantic and worried

Traffic slows on busy freeways
nervous drivers switching lanes
cell phones used to call the office
voices eager to explain

They sit in cubes and lonely desks
busy behind their computer screens
drinking overpriced coffee or bottled water
forgetting how great it is to dream

She stretches her neck and turns to her side
as her eyes open for the first time today
she closes them with a gentle smile
and slowly fades away

I's

2010-01-19T23:33:00.001-07:00

It's always about the eyes
and never about the I's

Finding

2009-12-22T23:36:00.002-07:00

I haven't felt like
myself lately
I'm out of sorts
out of whack
out of...

I took a minute tonight
to go outside
in the cold
smoke a cigar
and think

I tried to focus
on what could be amiss
when something nice happened

it wasn't a miracle
no angels appeared
I didn't see three ghosts
no disembodied voice told me the way
no epiphany
nothing that triumphant

Still, it happened...

as the snow started to fall
among the colorful holiday lights
and the glowing tree on the deck,

with the backdrop of the city
sparkling in the distance,
and the chimney's streaming clouds of fragrant smoke

I listened to the almost silent night
(an appropriate reference this time of year)
and I heard only the soft rustling
of a few straggler leaves on the tree
the crack of ice among the frozen branches
the soft sound of snow falling against my coat

and I found
not what I was looking for
but something better
almost magical

I found

peace

even if only for a moment

Happy Veterans Day

2009-11-10T23:51:00.004-07:00

Please remember to honor those that served with:

V alor
E ndurance
T enacity
E mpathy
R eflection
A ttitude
N ever surrender

Thank you, from one veteran to another, for your service.

My brothers

2009-10-01T23:37:00.003-06:00

nothing could keep us apart
we woke in the morning
and played until dark

you were by my side
you had my back
no one else came close

my brother

the years have been passing fast
and the miles have separated us
for far too long

we grew apart
you have your life
and I have my own

my brother

the blood that runs deep
is quite the same for both
but the surroundings changed

our paths don't cross
You walk your road
while I stroll down mine

it's kind of sad
and it's a shame
for you will always be

my brother

distant, a stranger
with familiar blood
close but far

my brothers

Now that you're gone

2009-09-24T20:25:00.005-06:00

Fortune cookie prophecies
point me to the path of the unknown
unforeseen circumstances
chill me to the bone

who will guide me
now that your gone
who will guide me
when I'm all alone

who will guide me?

Fortunate dignitary
tells me it's all going to be okay
rehashing promises lost
it's the same as every other day

who is going to lead me
now that your gone
who will lead me
who's light will shine on

who will lead me?

how will I ever know
how far to go
this is a dark lonely road
I just don't know

who is going to hold me
now that you're gone
who will ever hold me
with the love you've shone

who is going to hold me?

I wake to another empty slate
brush off the sins of yesterday
belief in the guiding hand of fate
hasn't helped me much today

how will I ever know
how far to go
this is a desolate lonely road
I just don't know

who will pick me up
when I keep falling down
who will pick me up
one last time

who is going to guide me
lead me
love me
pick me up

now that you're gone?

Enigma

2009-09-18T21:55:00.001-06:00

I am digging the latest Enigma album, "Seven Lives" right now

confusion

2009-08-07T01:42:00.002-06:00

there was a moment when
I though I could ride the line
a fine line it is
between reality and fantasy
seems that the line gets blurred
and fuzzy
and I sometimes mistake one for another
or vice-versa
it doesn't matter
you'd think I was crazy anyway
and you may not be wrong
or right
or close
but that only counts in horseshoes
and hand grenades
but horses don't really wear shoes
and hand grenades are so messy
so I guess
it's back to
square
one

tears of a dream

2009-07-26T00:11:00.002-06:00

dreams
are not meant
for the
waking world

nightmares
are not only
for those
still asleep.

tears can
fall
when we
slumber

and dry
as we awaken.

But the dreams
or the screams
are not soon
forgotten.

Stuck in my head

2009-07-11T01:50:00.002-06:00

You have no idea
what you mean to me
you have no inkling
of what goes on

inside my head

I lie here sleeping
or trying to
but you keep dancing
inside of my head

stuck forever
inside of my head
until I am dead
stuck in my head

open

2009-07-05T23:08:00.001-06:00

You said I was like a window
and you could see right through me

I only wanted to be seen
by you

Mathematics

2009-06-12T01:37:00.004-06:00

she sat perpendicular
to my
point of view
an obtuse angle
sine, cosine, tangent
askew
her words were on another
plane
parallel and
congruent
to my own spatial
relations:
equality, addition, multiplication

the logic is all there
the processes proven
we just need to
reduce

and find the sum
of all things

A place to rest

2009-06-06T13:18:00.003-06:00

the calendar
is two months behind
my memory
is failing all the time

who am I again?
and where do I belong?
who am I again?
and who was I before?

the impressions of the past
lead me lower to the floor
while my will is slowly heading
for the door

and the answers that I seek
are escaping as we speak
so I think I'll lie down
and close my eyes

and sleep

for the final time

Another truth

2009-05-31T23:24:00.001-06:00

the confession
changed the way
you look at me

but it had to be said

a truth

2009-05-13T22:40:00.000-06:00

souls and promises
are only as good
as the people they inhabit

death and memory

2009-05-09T20:05:00.002-06:00

Darkness is all around
can't hear a single sound
can you hear my screams?
nothing is what it seems...

fade away
into the nothing
fade away
until there is nothing

Coldness surrounds
no one to give ground
can you give me heat
where will I find something to eat?

Fade away
into oblivion
fade away
into the dust

there is nothing left
but
memories

5 Year anniversary of Reality Bytes

2009-05-06T22:59:00.003-06:00

Where does the time go?

Well, it goes on. This is my 5th year writing this blog and it has been a great joy to me. I know lately I haven't written much. It's life, you know? No matter what, I will return to this blog and share my insights, my observations, or my dreams.

Also, since the site does keep track, this is my 253rd post. Since most of my posts are poems or prose, I'm pretty proud of the amount of work I have produced since 5/4/05. And I know it's not about quantity, but I feel all the work is quality. Don't we all?

I hope you will return and enjoy what you read. I'll keep writing 'em if you keep reading 'em.

Daydreamer

change

2009-05-06T22:54:00.003-06:00

there is a change in the weather
that the forecasters missed
it's sneaking up behind us
and will hit us like the blitz

there is a change in our stature
that the doctor's couldn't see
a curve of imagination
inter cranial deformity

there is a change in our outlook
as the world becomes so small
no mountain is big enough
no skyscraper too tall

there is a change in my head
that I don't understand
I guess I'll play along
with the rest of the band

there is a change
here
and there
changes everywhere

yet it all stays the same

It's just like

2009-04-18T23:34:00.004-06:00

it's 11:32
and I
long for you

It's time
to stop chasing skirts
oh god this hurts

what do you
want me to say
to prove to you

that what I felt
that one fateful day
is still true?

it's 11:32
and you're asleep
I'm awake

and it's like
any other night
after the give and take

it's just like any other night
it's just like any other day
the chips
they fall where they may

it's just like any other man
it's just like any other woman
it's more complex than we believe
it's only

it's just like you and me
and everything in between
it's just like
you and me

only you're asleep
and I wish
you were
awake

greatness

2009-04-05T02:18:00.003-06:00

what is greatness
we all have our definition
maybe it's running into a burning building
to save a child
or perhaps it's studying to cure
the wasting diseases that ravage our age
maybe it's someone who discovers the true
meaning of it all
still others may view a strong faith
a belief in the unknown as great

what is great to you
may not mean anything to another
what is god to you
is nothing to someone else
what is sacred
is malignant
in the eyes
of others
that which is evil
can be described
by another person
as a way of life

what is your greatness
and your greatest weakness?
together they form
the universe
that is you

and me

no one can steal a dream

2009-04-02T23:17:00.003-06:00

the lost can only retrieve
memories
of better times when
things went right
before the madness
before the darkness
before the confusion
the damned can only hope
and pray
for salvation
before damnation
before suffering
before finality
the hopeful can only dream
aspirations
for tomorrow
before reality prevails
before economies crash
before depression wins
the downtrodden
can only wish
for a morsel
before the greedy
or other needy
knock them down
the dreamers
can only dream
of whatever they wish
no one can steal a dream

Drained

2009-03-03T21:15:00.003-07:00

I cannot find any words
to string together
to form the a phrase
to express anything

I cannot find the time
to piece together
a singular pause
to catch my breath

I can't find any one word
to make this all go away
take this haze made of gray
to bring me around

I will keep searching
and I know the words
will be there

they never fail me

I love you

2009-02-14T13:10:00.002-07:00

Today is not about the flowers
jewelry or boxes of candy
It's not about the greeting cards
dinners out or sexy lingerie
It's not about manufacturing
what we really feel about each other

Today
like any other day
I love you

I will tell you a million times
if that is what you want to hear
I prefer you show me with your actions
so that I will always know

This day is no more special or precious
than any other day
it is just as special and precious
as every other day

I spend with you

This is not a special day because
card companies and jewelry stores
and candy sellers
say so

It's special because
you are with me

I love you!

Magnetic Poetry 1/29/09

2009-01-29T22:48:00.002-07:00

underachiever

2009-01-28T20:21:00.003-07:00

I can do a great many things
but I can only do a few things great
I never finished my first year of college
I haven't played in organized sports

I believe I could have been great
at something, anything
I could have been a great piano player
I have big hands

I could have been a great doctor
I have the smarts and compassion
I could have been a stuntman
according to my childhood dreams

I could have been so many things

Yet I'm not

I had all the time in the world
I had opportunities
but I thought of other things
I never realized

how lonely mediocrity can be
how depressing the future can look
how overwhelming it all seems now
when I don't have as much time

I suppose I could still be a doctor
but I'd die before paying the student loans
I could be a concert pianist
if I took lessons every hour of every day

I could paint the next masterpiece
or write the next great poem...

those are still attainable

and I believe in my heart
that I could have been great
but I'll settle for what I am
what I have become

through all the years
the scrapes and the bumps
the jobs and fights
the births and the deaths

I have nothing to be ashamed of
because if we all look inside
I'm sure we'd all find
an underachiever

broken windows

2009-01-06T20:30:00.003-07:00

feel the cold
of the world around you
feel the life
that is slowly slipping by

turn your eyes down
and see what lies beneath
turn away now
and leave the hatred behind

there is never a true mirror
that will show what we want to see
there are only little windows
between you and me

little broken windows

time-less

2009-01-01T02:39:00.003-07:00

The new year brings promise
the new year brings pain
the new year has solace
the new year has rain

we should never forget
the concept of time
is a human invention
it doesn't exist

for anything except us
it limits us, it ties us down
it shackles our lives until
we are slaves of it

time
year
day
minute
second

all concepts
we immediately recognize
but fight against
futile

Time does not wash slates clean
fading memories do
Time does not forgive
people do

time doesn't, and isn't
it's just
a figment
of each of us

spend it wisely
for it is a piece of you

journey to nowhere

2008-12-17T19:17:00.003-07:00

like forces of nature
emotions turn us from the norm
and who has the skills
to forecast the next storm?

we're at the mercy
of what goes on inside
we think we're the captain
it's all just foolish pride

no one can navigate
the islands that dwell within
the water's too choppy
the ice a little too thin

expeditions are met
with disappointing ends
we should have listened to family
we should have followed our friends

and just live our lives
with no need for explanation
live fully and ride the waves
like the rest of the nation

but I keep making the journey
and looking for the source
the wellspring of feelings
I haven't found it of course

like searching for the famed
fabled fountain of youth
I am seeking my own
deeper inner truth

sadness

2008-12-09T20:24:00.002-07:00

"once bitten
twice shy"
thrice bitten
rotten way to die
but I lived
and was bit again
and nipped
each time
tearing the flesh
draining the lifeblood
each time
tearing my soul
depleting my reserve
but I kept walking
through the door
like I had the answer
confident to a fault
I would fix this

how do you fix one thing
when it's actually two different things?

blind and deaf
I ignored the inner voices
and what i could see

I would repair the damage
I didn't inflict

I would repair the damage
I didn't deserve

I would repair the damage
deemed too severe

I would

keep walking through the door

I believed the words
full of deception
dishonesty
lies

I believed you again
and again
and again
again

broken records don't repeat
as often as I did

walking through the door

I dreamt of driving
straight out of town

stopping only when necessary
no destination in mind

just distance

and when i got out of the car
I walked through the door

the fights were awful
brutal
often

there were reasons for them

but I ignored the facts
I could fix it
I could be the answer
the answer to your prayers
but you didn't pray
not for me
and I kept walking through the door

day after day
the same routine
the same forced smiles
the same lies

I recall making love one night
(although to be fair,
it was having sex at that point)
and you had no energy
no enthusiasm
you lay, still, cold

later you said I repulse you
I still hear the words
I wanted to vomit
sick to my stomach
those words made me, and make me

I kept walking through the door

The times you stayed after work
and you weren't there

the excuses
the situations
the denial

massive amounts of denial

you never could just say it
you never could just speak the truth
you never wanted to hurt anyone
but you did, constantly

we sat on the front porch
and talked about what each of us would take
when we separated

but we didn't

we both kept walking through the door

you weren't happy
you were scared to tell the truth
about your feelings
that you wanted out

so you went out
again
and again
and again

the whole broken record
repeat
repeat
repeat

and it hurt
both of us
all of us

it hurt everyone

and it still does

I fight it
I say that things will get better
I convince myself that this is different

and I walk through the door

when will I open my eyes
and see the trap behind the door?

the same hole I keep falling into
like a bad dream
floating towards a bitter end
nothing to grab
nowhere can I find purchase

just adrift towards an inevitable end

I am a fool
and fools fall
right through the door
again

I never wanted it to be about me
but it was all along

we're never as good looking, smart or heroic
as we think we are

we're never as charming, or slim or good
as we set out to be

we're never quite the same image
of what we see in our minds

and when we look into the mirror
of other people's eyes

we don't like what we see
unless they are saying

what we want to hear
distorting what is real

creating the image
we hope we are

helping us achieve
the ultimate lie

Wicked

2008-12-06T01:30:00.002-07:00

the means to the end
were manipulated by the one
trusted soul, without remorse
driven by self satisfying
delusions, reckless abandon
and wanting

beings intermingled
in heated desire
amid the tragedy

the actions
the ideas
the movements

graphic
obscene
beautiful

the emotions
the feelings
the wanting

graphic
obscene
surreal

and the one
the chosen one
self chosen

directing every nuance
indulging in every
pleasure

cedes to the
realization
that

nothing planned
nothing plotted
nothing yearned

could ever be
this good
this intense

or

wicked

giving up

2008-11-11T21:06:00.004-07:00

where do I begin
and where do I end?

what is happening?
how my will does bend

I'm giving up
and giving in
to the fact that I
cannot win

in this life

where did I go wrong
and where did I go right?

and what did I do
to push you out of sight?

I'm giving up
and giving in
to the fact that I
cannot live

this life

When I tried to make amends
where did I go wrong?

When I tried to show you love
you danced to a different song

and songwriter
and the dance has never been the same

I'm giving up
and giving in
to the fact that I
don't fit in

I'm giving up
and giving in
to the fact that I
finally surrender

to the ghosts
of your
indiscretions

remnants of the phoenix

2008-11-01T22:49:00.003-06:00

unintentional incident
of ridiculous proportions
unintentional accident
of heartfelt emotion

took a chance
took a shot

shot down
in flames again
free falling
in flames again

unrequited attention
to unabashed beauty
unintentional explosion
of heartfelt emotion

took the step
took the shot

shot down
falling again
in flames
in flames again

unexpected reaction
of brutal honesty
unintentional foolishness
growing inside of me

took a chance
took the shot

shot down
in flames again
falling again
shot down in flames

rise from the ashes
ready for another flight
rise to the occasion
ready for another fight

shoot me down
I'll get back up again
set my heart aflame
I'll be back again

silence

2008-10-26T22:44:00.004-06:00

sometimes there is so much to say
that the words get tangled
jumbled and confused
paragraphs become random sentences
sentences are reduced to nonsensical fragments
fragments thin out to individual words
words that float about freely
unchained from their original ideas
but still somehow connected and powerful

beautiful

regret

glimpse

hope

understanding

relief

fear

eyes

promises

heart

The words say it all and say nothing
they never get spoken
because I once said

I wouldn't mention it again

before it started

2008-10-26T00:53:00.005-06:00

what was I supposed to say
it wouldn't have mattered anyway
What was I supposed to do
It was going to be done without you

There's no reason
to be brokenhearted
it was over
before it ever started

who am I supposed to blame
even though everything is the same
what am I supposed to do
just pretend it was never you

There's no reason
to be so hard headed
it's better today
no matter where it was headed

just close my eyes
and fantasize
about what could have been

if it wasn't for
wasn't for

just close my eyes
and realize
about what still can be

so much more
much more

There's no reason
to be brokenhearted
it was over
before it ever started

it never ended
so there is still
a
chance

ask

2008-10-25T00:18:00.001-06:00

if you could only see
what goes on inside my head
than again,
maybe it's better if you didn't

you probably wouldn't understand
I would try to explain
translate the images
for you

if you would only

ask

insane

2008-10-24T23:56:00.006-06:00

ripping
gripping
agonizing
evermore

tear my flesh
to stop the pain
deny my soul
to start again
forgive my sins
they're all in vain
tear my flesh
start over again

the tearing
the tears in my eyes
the searing
the hope despite
circumstances
beyond all control
still I hold out
I really have to know

tear my flesh
to start the pain
deny my soul
to stop again
forgive my sins
they're all the same
tear my flesh
what's in a name

play the game
stay the same
deny the flame
it's all insane

play the game
try to refrain
it's all insane
it's all the same

tear my eyes out
so I can't see
what it is that
you are doing to me
tear my heart out
so I can't feel
the wanting
that is so unreal

tear my flesh
to start the pain
deny my soul
to stop again
forgive my sins
they're all the same
tear my flesh
what's in a name

tearing
the tearing
the wearing
is getting thin
the tearing
the swearing
the wanting
it's all within
the denial
is on file
is all right there
it's all in here

tell me you don't feel it too?

tear my flesh
to start the pain
deny my soul
to stop again
forgive my sins
they're all the same
tear my flesh
start over again

it's all the same
it's all a game
it's all insane
I'm going insane

going
going
gone

insane

trail of crumbs

2008-10-24T23:32:00.004-06:00

how do I get there from here
what will I find when I get there
what path should I follow
this road is much to narrow?

How do I get there to you
will the feelings still be true
will the passion be unchained
or will the frustration still remain?

there's only one way back home
the trail of crumbs
I leave behind
so please, be kind

what do you expect of me
will this be passion or misery
what I want from you
the answer is within and true

there's only one way back to freedom
the trail of crumbs
We leave behind
free my mind

what if
there is
only one
way to
make this
alright

would you
would you
would you
do it

follow the trail of crumbs
that you leave behind
they may lead to something promising
they may even lead to ....... me

Beautiful even when you cry

2008-10-23T20:44:00.004-06:00

When the emotions drive you aground
With the weight of world on your back
You have to find a means of release

After the daily grind gets you down
After the pressure’s endless attack
You have to find yourself some peace

There’s only so much you can take
In the end you may even break
You’re courageous for all you try
You’re even beautiful when you cry

In the challenging world you face
You put on your best game face
With the strength showing in your eyes
You’re even beautiful when you cry

When the ridiculous becomes the norm
With the absence of any support
You have to find a means of release

Like the calm before the storm
or a ship moored safely in port
You have to find yourself some peace

There’s only so much you can take
In the end you may even break
You’re courageous for all you try
You’re even beautiful when you cry

In the challenging world you face
You put on your best game face
With the strength showing in your eyes
You’re even beautiful when you cry

With the weight of world on your back
After the pressure’s endless attack
You’re courageous for all you try
You’re even beautiful when you cry

Location, location, location

2008-10-22T18:35:00.004-06:00

When you have something to say
and you want to share how you feel
do it in the proper time and place
it doesn't make the feelings any less real

If impulse overrides common sense
and you happen to speak out of turn
apologize and do your penance
and consider it a lesson learned

The heart and the mind do clash
and perception can also be a key
laying it all on the line can be rash
and you will probably never succeed

sometimes it's better to leave things unsaid

little things

2008-10-20T21:57:00.005-06:00

it's never the big things that keep us going
it's always the little things
what happens behind the scenes
the unheralded actions

like
waiting for a question
waiting on an answer
waiting for a moment
that will set you free.

like
a compliment when least expected
but most needed;
or a smile that lights up the day
when everything is a shade of gray .

like
the comforting silence
when words just won't do
and listening without a word
when venting is overdue.

it's not the big things
it's not the historic events
that get us through
it's the little things

mostly

2008-10-19T22:55:00.004-06:00

I'd like to tell you that
my intentions are always pure
and that I strive for the greater good

mostly this is true

I'd like to say that
I'm hardly ever self absorbed
and I strive for equality

Mostly this is true

I don't have the courage to say
that I put myself above all others
and I watch for what may please me

Mostly this never happens

It is a very rare day when it does
and the results are never good overall
but satisfying

Mostly

long time, no see

2008-10-18T22:21:00.003-06:00

Did you miss me?
Or are you just being polite?
Do you really want to talk?
Or should I be on my way tonight?

Did you miss me?
or is this all some sort of dream?
I want to see you again
but I don't know where you've been

Did you miss me?
Or am I looking way too deep?
Because I miss you
And I haven't heard a peep

from you
long time, no see

but I want
to
see

you

October setting sun

2008-10-17T19:06:00.004-06:00

I am witness to a spectacular
October setting sun
cloaked in clear blues
deep oranges
and wispy filaments of gold

I see shapes among the fiery heavens
fossil-like skeletons
of dreams that never came true
shapes shifting and changing
like life's most important emotions

Quickly, too quickly
the colors chase the sun
fleeing across the darkening horizon
leaving dismal tufts of formless
dull gray patches in their wake

The evening leaves me colorless
an echo of the dead dreams I found
in brilliant hues within the sunset;
an impression of hope fading
like the golden evening sky

Whisper

2008-10-10T21:15:00.003-06:00

I looked up
and you were there

unexpected
radiant
beautiful

you passed with a smile
such a precious smile
and a wave

then you disappeared

leaving me
with words unspoken

yearning for more
than only a whisper

of

you

twisted in silence

2008-10-05T01:04:00.001-06:00

there are no words
there are no signs
there are no angels
there are no prayers

there is nothing
but the aching silence
that lives

between

us

I am, part VI: Changing

2008-10-02T23:17:00.005-06:00

I am...

...getting more gray hair
...feeling the aches of the years
...feeling more comfortable with myself
...learning to let go
...trying to keep my focus
...not as hard on myself as I used to be
...wiser, though still a little foolish
...a better cook, gardener, and father
...still here
...willing to make changes for the right reasons
...unwilling to change for the sake of change
...evolving
...getting older, almost old

...not changing in one regard: I will not give up on myself
...

1000 tears

2008-10-01T23:55:00.006-06:00

I must have cried a hundred times
since the day that we first met
you are always on my mind
you are someone I'll never forget

Through the ups and downs
the happiness and the fights
glorious fun filled days
and bitter angry nights

Tears of joy and tears of pain
peals of laughter from hallowed rooms
screams of anguish and empty pain
look of love dispelling the sense of doom

there is always room for you

I've shed my share of streaming tears
they've accumulated over the years
with the ebb and flow of all my fears
through it all, I am still here

I'm still here

with a tear on my cheek

waiting for you

the 1000 tears

for you

with you

because of

you
&
I

with you

2008-09-27T22:03:00.007-06:00

I want to see your face
I want to kiss your lips
I want to
I want to
just let me
have my way

with you

I want to hear your voice
Would you call my name
I want you
I want you
just let me in
and have your way

with me

I want to kiss your lips
I want to hold you tight
I want to touch your face
and love you into the night
I want to kiss your hips
I want to hold you tight
I want to see into your eyes
deep into the night

I want to kiss your lips

You have the most beautiful face
you have your own style and a grace
you really turn me on
you really turn me around

I want to kiss your lips
I want to hold you tight
I want to touch your face
and love you into the night
I want to touch your hips
I want to hold you tight
I want to see into your eyes
deep into the night

just let me kiss you
this one time
and see
where it goes
from
there

isn't it only fair?
after all that I've been through

just give me a chance
with you

tonight

2008-09-27T18:52:00.004-06:00

I don't believe I'm wrong

I know that it's not right

but I feel something strong

and I'll test that theory tonight

subtle signals
being sent from both sides
nothing is for certain
but tonight I have to try

to make this right
if only for tonight

Forget me nots

2008-09-24T23:30:00.001-06:00

She asked me to send her
some forget me nots
but I couldn't

remember

her

name

Falling away

2008-09-24T22:35:00.005-06:00

the entire universe
contained in a single tear
all our hopes and dreams
everything we hold dear

the entire relationship
summed up in a single tear
dying hopes and dreams
nothing left for me here

it's all falling
falling away

can't catch myself
I'm falling again
can't get a grip
I'm falling again

falling away
falling away

The precious heart will beat
to the drummer deep within
the soul gets pulled away
from forces deep below the skin

The precious heart will break
the drum head is wearing thin
the soul dies another day
as the will seeks comfort in sin

it's all falling
falling away

can't catch myself
I'm falling again
can't get a grip
I'm falling again

falling away
falling away

when will I be safely tied to this reality?

away from this age of endless misery?

I'm falling away

falling away

I'm falling away

from you

falling away from me

falling away

I am, part V: unheard

2008-09-20T01:36:00.009-06:00

The thing about poetry is
that someone
who must be "someone"
has to take notice
and tell the world
that a poem is great
this someone is a mouthpiece
for the written word
without this someone
there is only a poem

unread
unknown
like a scream in the woods
unheard

The thing about attraction is
that someone
who must be someone
has to take notice
and feel the power
give in to the pull
believe the desire is worthy
that the affection is mutual
the feeling is real
otherwise the attraction is missed

unseen
unknown
like a scream in the woods
unheard

The thing about life is
that someone
could be anyone
has to take notice
and say hello
nod their head, smile
make their presence known
and acknowledge me
show that I exist
and I'm not insignificant

unknown
unseen
and like my screams in the dark

unheard

what am I worth?

2008-09-16T22:25:00.003-06:00

I'm not a banker
or president of the world
I don't sell candy
or flags unfurled
I'm not a doctor
nor do I play one on TV
I'm just a regular joe
I'm just me

so when you look at the figures
and the truth be told
can you tell me exactly
at what price would I be sold?

what am I worth,

to

you?

like

2008-09-16T22:12:00.003-06:00

what's stopping you
from taking that step
if you feel the way you do
what holds you back?

what is keeping you
from seeing the truth
the reality
the yearning?

maybe I'm disillusioned
a simpleton in a complex world
or maybe I'm too complex
for the simple world

witness the beginning
of the end
the ending
of the beginning

and everything in between

it's all been seen
and heard before
but you have the floor
so speak
or dance
show me what you've got
I haven't the time to play around
I want to hear your voice
the sound

of reason
or unreasonable
telling me
yes
or no

just talk to me
make me see
if this is what it needs to be

or if it is just fantasy

like so much

in this life

Show me

2008-09-16T22:01:00.003-06:00

I don't believe in angels
I don't believe in devils
I don't believe
I don't believe

I want to see the angels
with the halos of gold
I want to see the devils
with stares so cold

Otherwise
I don't believe

There is no heaven
There is no hell

There is only life
Too short and too mean
There is only life
Quickly passed, a dream

I don't believe

There is no salvation
There is no redemption
There is only here and now
There is only temptation

What do I need to see?
What do I need to hear?
when will I feel the power?
Is that day near?

I believe
I believe in you
do you
believe
believe in me?

What do you see?
What do you need?
What does a fool believe?
Just ask me...

I feel the distance between you and me
Getting shorter
Maybe it's my perception
Hope is a tall order

After all
what should I believe in
show me the way

Blur: Another post I never wanted to write

2008-09-11T21:16:00.006-06:00

For Ski, who left this messed up world too soon. We were with you, brother, and we're still here.

Blur

Spinning out of control
the world
the confusion
regret
apprehension
pain
the unknown
it all weighs so heavily
it's so heavy
Gets hard to breathe
Gasping
Buckling
Breaking
down
little by little
So heavy
this weight
on your shoulders
Dreams shatter
Relations sour
because of bad decisions
Need a moment
a second to
relax
to
breathe
Your machine takes you
down the final path
The wind in your face
cool, crisp
The roar of the motor
sings a melody
the rumble
comforting
soothing
fleeting
the machine
the man
man-machine
strong
no judgements
no pitiful glances
no lies

Just the truth
and freedom

and wind
and speed
man
machine
Man-machine
a release
a surrender
man-machine-wall
release
from the
pain

.....

those that remain
we're confused
pained
in the grasp of sorrow
agony, the toll of grief
you touched so many
you never really knew
you
never
really know

and you never will

it weighs heavy on us
so heavy

dizzying

like the world
is spinning out of control

like a blur

Dilemma

2008-09-01T01:29:00.002-06:00

I wasn't sure what you meant
and you left so quickly
I had no idea what to do next

the options were many
and if I heard you correctly
you only wanted one

but which one?
what did I miss?

belief (lack thereof) - catch 22

2008-08-20T01:11:00.003-06:00

I don't believe in a great many things
like god
but don't tell my family
they would be disppointed
or love
again, don't tell

I don't believe people change
I believe they choose differently
but inherently
they are the same

"I don't believe in destiny
or the guiding hand of fate
I don't believe in forever
or love as a mystical state.
I don't believe in the stars
or the planets,
or angels watching from above
but I believe there's a ghost of chance
we can find someone to love
and make it last."
Ghost of a chance- Rush

I don't believe I can make a difference
even though I've tried
I don't believe that good conquers all
that human rights are any better
than baboons fighting on the savannah

or that we all deserve anything at all
what could we possible do to deserve - anything???

I don't believe in a lot of things
but I believe in me
and I will be fair, and honest
and myself

and that is all I ask of you

but I don't believe you'll return the favor

honestly

2008-08-20T01:01:00.003-06:00

be honest
with yourself
if no one else
be truthful
see yourself
as you are
don't make excuses
or apologize
you are you
we are all
ourselves
though we may try to hide
under cool clothes
or in cool cars
fancy houses
deep down
we're still
us
we are still
ourselves
so why try to disguise it
if people don't like it
too bad
be something
even if people hate it
be yourself
and if you're honest
you will be

yourself

there are no links to revisit the past
the past is gone
sometimes we need to move on
and be
ourselves
again

please

2008-08-20T00:07:00.001-06:00

I've always tried
to do my best
to do what's right
but I get screwed
("you always get screwed in the drive thru")
but I didn't drive thru
this is for real
as real as it gets
but I'm being a melodramatic fool
again

why can't I just relax
and everything will work out
just like a toothache
it will all go away
won't it?

I bought into that bullshit before
but I can't take it anymore

just let me be happy
be happy for me
for once

behind the glass

2008-08-20T00:02:00.002-06:00

windows of opportunity
open and close
with clocklike precision

we're sometimes unaware
of possiblilities, chances
until the windows close

we stare through the glass
window shopping
never buying

always buying into the dream
but dreams are for the sleepy
never awake

we can wait forever
for a chance
we're patient

but the chances are all around
we're just distracted
blind to the opportunities

that surround us
abound around us
slip by us

I stare through the pane
of another window
of another dream

will I make it through
will I realize the prize
inside?

The real killer

2008-08-06T23:25:00.004-06:00

I stretched my neck away from my damp shirt collar
sweat trickled down my temple, across my eye
I absentmindedly wiped my eye with my forearm
also drenched in sweat
"I hate this friggin' heat"
"Hang tough. Once the punk comes out, we do the job and go get a beer."
Her tone said something else: quit bitching.
Even in the shade, the dogs sprawled out looking for cool earth
but there was none- no breeze, no rain, just heat
stifling unending heat and humidity
even the night sweats here
She perked her head up as a young man in jeans and a hoodie left the building
"Look at that joker. Christ, it's a hundred degrees and he has a sweatshirt on!"
She shook her head. The man lit a cigarette with cupped hands and exhaled gray exhaust
I leaned back in the seat and shut my eyes
My partner went back to the paper she was reading

Pow! Pow! Pow! I realized what the sounds were before I knew where it came from
My partners head rocked violently, then she sagged over her bloody paper
The second shot, fired milliseconds after the first, entered my right temple
ricocheted off an impossible angle in my skull, scrambled my gray matter,
and put me to permanent sleep before my head hit the steering wheel

The young man in the hoodie never had a chance
The killer fired his third shot a second after the first two,
an amazing feat of accuracy and marksmanship
The bullet shattered the cranium behind the kid's forehead, severing his brain before leaving a fist sized hole in the back of his head
He was dead before hitting the ground.

The last thing that ran through my head, prior to the bullet of course, was that we should be by his side, we should escort him to the car
We hadn't thought the plan through
It was too hot to think clearly
The damned heat had drained us, made us falter and fail
The goddamn heat was the real killer

the idiot dialogues: one

2008-08-03T00:41:00.004-06:00

"I'd like to ask you something, but I have a feeling I'll screw it all up."
"Okay," she said, apprehensively,"ask away."
"Do guys get all stupid...no, stupid is too harsh. Do they get all tongue-tied and sound totally ridiculous around you?"
"No, why would they?"
"Because you're...and well, you're easy on the...uh...because you're beautiful." His cheeks blossomed.
"Oh. I see. Yep, they all get that way."
She smiled and started walking away.
She turned to me, speaking. "Actually, no they don't. Just you."

Revisiting the family of my past: Lineage

decay

2008-07-24T23:40:00.008-06:00

bookshelves sag wearily
under the weight of a hundred
unread volumes

curtains dance wistfully
to the rhythm of a humid
summer breeze

mattresses slope gently
two indentations represent
sleepless nights

a faucet drips steadily
staining a ceramic basin
of generations

houses creak mournfully
yearning for a peal of laughter
from days gone by

weeds flourish happily
infiltrating every crack and crevice
of neglected pavement

trees rustle cautiously
fearful of waking the beasts
that spell certain doom

neighborhoods wither pathetically
decaying from a hundred cancers
that eat from within

cities crumble slowly
the earth swallows more pieces
every day

fields yield misery
resources all used up by
selfish creatures

a world is reclaimed by nature
after our natural demise
surprise surprise

we never did set things right

Revisiting me: Inspired by, Part III

just one time

2008-07-08T21:31:00.005-06:00

what do you see
when you look at me?
it's not the same as a mirror
the reflection's just a little clearer

what do you do
when I look at you?
do you want to turn around
head for the edge of this town?

why can't you see what I see
when I look at you
why is this so decieving
I must be a fool

I would like to feel
If this paranoia is real
when they look at me
what do they really see?

I would like to know
the feelings they don't show
when they turn away
hide their eyes in shame

I'd like to know
just one time

what would you change
give me the whole range
the features, the looks the hair style
maybe my weight or my profile

what would you give
to exchange the life you live
for maybe minute
see how how deep we're all in it

why can't you see what I see
when I look at you
why is this so decieving
I must be a fool

I would like to feel
If this paranoia is real
when they look at me
what do they really see?

I would like to know
the feelings they don't show
when they turn away
hide their eyes in shame

I'd like to know
just one time

Revisiting my mental GPS: Position

a race never won, never one

2008-07-02T21:35:00.005-06:00

an xray of
the nuts and bolts
reveals telling tales of
my disintegration from
the human race

the slowly turning cogs
of my inner mechanical workings
need periodic greasing
of a philosophical kind
to keep up with the human race

the intrinsic input
and regurgitated output
lengthen processing time
please wait, please wait
for the human race

the silicon and minerals
that carry the pulses
of binary overload
are trapped within the flesh and blood
of a human in a human race

the data and code
the frequency and uploads
upgrades and improvements
cannot keep up with
the human race

overclocked, understocked
and running out of time
I'm afraid the
I'm afraid the
I'm afraid the

system overload
system failure
universal failure
catastophic failure
human failure
human race
failure

ctrl-alt-del cannot fix this

Revisiting the past: They

Changes

2008-06-23T19:31:00.005-06:00

you change the color of your hair

you wanted to add a little flair

It doesn't change you deep inside

where all the demons hide

you change the color of your eyes

It's something you wanted to try

to come up with something new

it doesn't change what's inside of you

Changes

on the surface

won't change what's within

you can look like an angel

and live a life of sin

changes

on the inside

matter most of all

you can act like an angel

while you ignore the warning call

I can't take these changes
I can't take these changes, anymore

Revisiting the past: cranial-silica

fate dealt a wicked hand

2008-06-13T03:01:00.004-06:00

feel the flesh
tearing from bone
searing heat
bring it on home

feel the pain
the love - desire
agony
the body on fire

consuming all
presuming none
consuming hearts
resuming life

hear the crack
of limbs torn in two
fell the whack
take a swing or two

taste the blood
coppery and warm
take a smack
stars start to swarm

consuming all
presuming none
shadows fall
the deed is done

sit alone
in darkness or light
drink alone
nothing seems quite right

feel the flesh
tearing from the bone
no one's safe
not even at home

consuming all
presuming none
deleting all
it was for fun

consuming all
consuming me
manifest
destiny

it's in the cards

Flash from the past : Flicker

no dictionary can hold us

2008-05-30T01:05:00.006-06:00

often times we are defined
not by who we truly are
but by what we do

our jobs consume
the better part of our soul
and leave us a husk

other times we are defined
by those we love around us
the circle we keep

but their demands and needs
can leave us unfulfilled
and alone

many times we are defined
by our actions, or words
or mannerisms

but words said in haste
or the faces we make
can alienate

some define us by
where we pray, what we wear
who were seen with

those depths are dangerously low
scratching a surface
reflected in a mirror

we define ourselves differently
like the expressions we make
and cannot see

we see the truth behind the masks
the longing and desires
the love hate and rage

we define ourselves
through our actions and deeds
our voices and needs

we define ourselves
through everything that is
us

we define
without definition
without distinction

for what others see
we see everything
our outline

as only we can define

Linking to the past: Native Winter

Click here to hear Native winter on Acidplanet.com

Let it go

2008-05-28T23:21:00.005-06:00

Con man took your money
Preacher man took your soul
No one left to turn to
Nowhere left to go

Another woman took your man
eviction notice on your door
on your knees praying again
weeping silently on the floor

let it go
yeah
let it go

Boss man take your job away
Parents turn away from their child
Your hair is frizzy and your face a mess
clothes all wrinkled and out of style

let it go
yeah
let it go

You can't please anyone
anytime
they want a piece of you
better stand in line

and let it go
let it go

forget it all
to hell with the freefall
move on down
away from this town
let it go
pack it
stack
load it on up

let it go

Revisiting hope: Today and tomorrow

The first amendment

2008-05-26T22:52:00.005-06:00

I recently enabled comment moderating because I occassionally get someone posting a comment that has nothing to do with my post (see the first comment under UFO below); they are just ranting about some idea or notion that they want to bombard people with.

I'm all against censorship, but everything has it's time and place. And my blog, my place, is not someone's podium or soapbox. Therefore, if you wish to express you theories, ideas or comments about anything other than my post, kindly do it elsewhere.

Blogger is free; get your blog and leave mine in peace.

U.F.O (trailer park blues - little green man edition)

2008-05-25T00:58:00.010-06:00

I swear I saw it
in the midnight sky
lights flashing to and fro
I swear I saw it live

who will ever believe me
this is so surreal
they will all think that I'm crazy
that I don't know what is real

I swear I saw it
it came straight down
and it landed
firmly on the ground

when they came out
of their craft
they had such huge heads
that I nearly laughed at

but I made no sound
and I made no motion
I wouldn't be caught
I wouldn't be probed, yeah

who will ever believe me
this is so surreal
they will all think that I'm crazy
that I don't know what is real

The little green "men"
they wandered around
taking in
the life forms they had found

among all the rest
they had spotted me
and the rest, as they say
is history

who will ever believe me
this is so surreal
they will all think that I'm crazy
that I don't know what is real

don't come near me
put that probe down
don't come closer
I swear I'll tell no one

when they left
I was all alone
forcefully forgot what I saw
and what was done

but still in head
I could see everything
those little green bastards
had done to me

who will ever believe me
this is so surreal
they will all think that I'm crazy
that I don't know what is real

Revisiting the voice: vox

in a blink of an eye

2008-05-25T00:22:00.005-06:00

slip of the lip
slip of the tongue
doesn't matter
the damage is done

slice of the blade
slice of the tongue
nothing ever
can be undone

wishful thinking
can get you only so far
it's just like wishing
upon your lucky star

hope and promises
fill the days to come
and leaves you with nothing
nothing done

slip of the lip
slip of the tongue
life is much to short
to live it unsung

rapier wit
words that stung
it's never to late
to get it all done

wishful thinking
and praying if you will
will lead to nothing more
than a life unfulfilled

wishful thinking
and counting on luck
will leave you with nothing
there's no such thing as luck

don't believe in miracles
or that people ever change
the more that you are hoping
the more things stay the same

place belief in yourself
and be a catalyst of change
control what you can
leave the rest to fate

it's not too late
it's not too late

don't hesitate
or the moment is gone

Revisiting the Stalker

3rd anniversary of this blog

2008-05-24T12:35:00.005-06:00

This month I celebrate my third anniversary of writing this blog. I never imagined that I would be able to keep writing consistently for this long, but I am very glad that I stuck with it. Each milestone, be it another year or another hundred posts, pales in comparison to the happiness I feel with each poem.

Each post is a major accomplishment, a tiny bit of me or my world. It sometimes flows easily, but mostly it takes precious time. I feel it has and will be time well spent.

I hope you enjoy visiting here as much as I enjoy having you here.

Revisiting us, we

Purple

2008-05-22T21:42:00.004-06:00

strong
sassy
deep
classy
cool
courageous
outgoing
outrageous
soft
loyal
sincere
royal
confident
aggressive
cunning
persuasive

shades of purple
shades of you

Revisting your time

Defense

2008-05-18T23:04:00.005-06:00

There is no one beside me
or in front of me
or behind

I stand
alone
on this battlefield

my only
weapon
- my mind

No one will save me
or rescue me
I only have myself

I draw a deep breath
and exhale through
a broken smile

Nervousness
fear and courage
race through my being

I take the step
of
inevitability

I have to face these demons
and slay them
or be slain

I must fight them one by one
or me versus them all
together

Guerilla warfare
snipers
hand to hand

it is my battle
and it wages on
every day

I must fight the good fight
not for honor, or country or
god

but for myself
in order to

live

Revisting a past connection

lost

2008-05-13T23:49:00.004-06:00

a momentary flicker
then a flash -
a collision of thoughts
untangled from the web
of thinking,
hanging alone in the breeze
looking for purchase
before the winds of time
rip it from its fragile mooring

and it sails away
a gossamer string of words

floating into the wilderness
of what was
what could have been
what will never be

Revisiting the past: melting

The new black

2008-05-04T01:12:00.003-06:00

when did it become fashionable
to endure word verification
firewalls
passwords
deadbolts
mace?
Why is it normal
to understand that someone will work
incredibly hard
(harder than the real job they have)
without pay
just to hack a website
for fun?
When did we recognize that
food is not merely food
or art, or enjoyment -
it's science,
and we're not qualified
to select for ourselves
what's best for us anymore?
Watch the old black and white TV series'
see the families
communities
the world
and ask yourself
What happened?

Revisiting the black and white past: Sans map

Realization

2008-04-03T22:21:00.003-06:00

Movement, slow and unrestrained
it leads you where it may
the motion and emotion
nothing can take this away
Yesterday, today, tomorrow
measures of hectic style
why try to fight it, step up from sorrow
wallow in love for a while
heat, ice, cold, fire
love, hate, resentment, ashes
opal, diamond, ruby, sapphire
lead and be lead
hard as water, soft as steel
don't be afraid, by what youfeel
speak the words, say them aloud
walk tall, stand straight and proud
hearts can talk without a voice
feelings can sigh, a lovers choice
yes and no, soft and hard
fast and slow, inch and yard
move to the light, feel the passion play
time in reverse, night to day
walking, running, lying down
crying, smiling, wincing frown
you, me, let's be free
alight the fire deep within
hold the torch, burn the envy
bad and good, prayer and sin
embrace the fear, release the love
awaken the urges, restrain the shove
move toward the greater beginning
away from the checkered past
rebuild the memories
don't be afraid to ask
nothing gained in nothing
be something some of the time
always someone, just one
two too many to try
never give it up
fight the urge to hold it back
bring it on, the fury
kiss it away down the less travelled path
lead and be lead, awaken the urges, nothing can take this away

Revisiting the past: yearn

Light Years Away

2008-04-02T23:31:00.004-06:00

I live in
the distance and time
between
the kiss and emotion
in the last moment
we were together

I have seen
the past, present and future
between
the tears and heartbeats
of the memories
with us together

I dream of
the tastes and sounds
between
the sunshine and appetitie
of two minds
involved together

I can sense
the fears and tension
between
betrayal and adoration
in the hearts
of two together

I can ask
for absolution and peace
between
us and the miles
of separation
until we're together

Revisiting the darkness: Black

Dawn

2008-04-01T21:51:00.005-06:00

Counteraction to an unexpected move
Forced reaction to a point that's moot

Blackened horizon burned with memories
Darkness is leaving the abyss slowly

No one moves quickly - the color drains from souls
Unexpected sudden ending - the last thing they will know

They walk into oblivion with heads bowed in despair
The world passes on though, and forgets we were ever there

Lifeless shells turn to dust and rust - they scatter in the wind
Sunrise breaks on peaceful lands - the cycle will begin

again

Revisting my inspirations: Neil Peart

freeze frame

2008-03-31T21:40:00.004-06:00

I'm standing here
and the world
with frantic pace
flows past me
like movie cels
at high speed
and I'm in
slow motion
trying to gain speed
& alter my momentum

I push myself into the crowd

and no one notices
the obstacle in the tide
they move on, around me

like I don't even exist

Revisiting the past : Sorrow